About three weeks ago my husband and I announced that we are adopting! The outpouring of love and encouragement we have received has been so touching. I have been wanting to write about how this adoption came about and why it is happening so fast, but honestly my head has been spinning. I think I am finally ready to start sharing.
First things first. WHY are we adopting? A few people have asked us and that is totally fine. After all, we are a couple with three beautiful biological children…so our “why” might not be as obvious.
I come from a family with two parents that have been married for 40 plus years and raised five kids. I am used to a big family and love having four siblings. My life is full because of my sisters, their husbands, and my nieces and nephew. I have always been open to the idea of a big family and want that for my children.
Mike’s parents divorced when he was young so his childhood was a little less traditional. He was very loved, but his sense of family is very different from mine. We married as teenagers, and both openly discussed wanting several children.
We were married six years before our first child was born. We battled infertility and although that story is too long to share here, I mention it to say that there was a time that we thought adoption might be the way we became parents. We were overjoyed when I delivered our first son in 2008.
Giving him a sibling was a non-negotiable for us. We pursued fertility treatment again, and became pregnant with triplet boys. When they were born too soon (another story that is too long to share here) and didn’t survive, our hearts were shattered. Due to the complications from that pregnancy we did not know if I could ever carry another baby.
The emptiness that surrounded us after our loss was almost unbearable. I can’t put into words what it was like to picture and plan for a house full of children only to have that dream vanish entirely. Our house was suppose to be noisy, busy, and full of children’s laughter. Instead, we clung desperately to our then two-year-old and mourned the loss of a life we might never have.
I remember in the early days after our loss how we began talking about adoption. It was placed on both of our hearts and really never left our thoughts. Over the years we have both mentioned it at times.
We went on to have two more biological sons. Medical treatments, surgical procedures, and more prayers than I thought possible brought us the family of our dreams.
Flash forward to the spring of this year. I turned 35 in March…an age I set for us to be done having children. Our oldest child turned 10 and it seemed like the baby stage of our life was naturally ending. I would be lying if I didn’t wonder if we were really done. I started imagining getting pregnant again. Should we try just one more time? Is it too dangerous? My medical condition makes each additional pregnancy a little more risky, and we have no way of knowing if I would be able to carry another baby successfully.
I started praying for a sign. A clear answer. And boy did I get one.
In mid-April, the night before our oldest turned 10, I was informed of a birth-mother who was set on adoption and wanted her baby to go to a family with children. She was looking for an experienced couple who could give her child a life that she never had. Someone who knew our hearts for adoption suggested that we meet her.
Honestly, at first I kinda blew it off. This doesn’t happen. People wait years, and spend tens of thousands of dollars on agency adoptions to connect with a birth-mother. I just couldn’t imagine this would happen for us.
We had not been planning or saving for an adoption at all. Was it even possible to adopt with the impending due date only 12 weeks away? We had never hired an attorney in our life, and had no idea where to begin. Somewhere deep down inside I just couldn’t shake the idea. I was actually nervous to mention it to Mike. He is so logical and often helps me stay grounded when I come up with big ideas. I often act with my heart first and just hope the details work out. As soon as I began talking about it, he was on board entirely. We talked through the financial side, the impact this would have on our boys, and all the details we could think of. We ultimately decided to take a huge leap of faith and see where the journey took us.
If there is one thing that is for certain, it is that our life together has never played out the way we have expected. We’ve been thrown so many curve balls while building our family, we know better than to assume we know what is around the corner. So we took a shaky step toward pursuing adoption. Then we took another. And another.
We don’t live a lavish life by any means, but we have so much love to give to a child. I always say our love is so big because it has to reach all the way to Heaven. The life we give this child will be full of snuggles, kisses, silly jokes, big brothers with hearts the size of Texas, and a Mommy and Daddy who love with a fierceness not easily put into words. We will give this child the life his biological mom can only dream of. That’s what adoption means to us…Changing the world for one child.
Doors continued to open and in three weeks we were sitting in front of an amazing person, who after an hour of talking with, chose us to parent her child.
I reached out to a friend who connected me with an attorney to help us start the process. I fully expected an “it’s not possible” from the attorney when I told him we had nine weeks until the expected delivery. He looked right at me and said, “I think we can do it!” I was floored. I called my husband and excitedly told him that we had a green light, and we haven’t stopped scrambling to organize the details since. The paperwork, doctor’s visits, home study preparations, home study visit, and planning has kept us moving at a whirlwind pace for the last month. There is a constant buzz of excitement in this once quiet, empty house.
I can’t wait to share more as we are able to. We have been open about every aspect of our devastating loss, and our unconventional journey to parenthood. Our reason is simple…to touch even one person who is walking through a similar experience and fill them with even a little hope. We feel sharing about our adoption is just as important as any other part of our story.
I plan to write a detailed post about the cost of our domestic adoption, as I found little information on what to expect when I began my research. Due to the extremely short time frame for our adoption, we have launched a t-shirt fundraiser on Bonfire to help with our unexpected costs. If you feel led to donate, or support adoption awareness by purchasing a shirt, we would be forever grateful!
Such a touching story! Happy for you that your dream is coming true. May God bless! gloria Fuller
Thank you so, so much!