I’m a couple of years into my journey with four kids. Four boys to be exact. Most people instantly want to “bless my heart” when they realize my husband and I are raising an above average number of kids. Some days are really tough, and I collapse into bed wondering how I managed to keep them all fed and safe. But I’ve also learned there are some pretty great things about having four kids too.
The kids always have three other people to play with. My kids range from 13 years-old to two years-old, and I love watching how they spend time with each of their siblings doing different activities. There is no need to stress about scheduling play dates either. They are getting all the social skills practice they need right at home.
The buddy system. Having an even number of children means that everyone has a partner to hold hands with as we cross the parking lot. As they get older, everyone has a built in roller-coaster riding partner, or someone to play catch with.
They are learning independence more quickly. Let’s face it, I just can’t do as much for my kids now that I have four. I remember waiting on my oldest hand and foot. I wanted everything to be perfect for him. I still want everything to be great for them, but they know how to help themselves. Dressing themselves, packing their things, and being responsible for checking their backpacks for homework is helping them to be more responsible. A lesson that will serve them well as they grow up.
I actually spend less time preparing things. When I had one or two kids I had way more time to stress about the details. I packed and re-packed the diaper bag before we left. Now I know that taking the basics is good enough. Being flexible is key. I know that things might not go according to plan, and that’s okay.
They have a built in lifetime support system. Who doesn’t want three super-fans cheering you on as you step up to bat at your baseball game? When the baby reaches a new milestone, one of the big kids makes an awesome shot at the basketball goal in the driveway, or someone rides their bike for the first time without training wheels, the volume of the cheers and excitement that erupts is pretty much priceless. Long after my husband and I are gone, our children will have a team of people surrounding them who have experienced alongside and supported them through all of life’s challenges and victories.
The list of awesome things about having four kids could go on and on. It’s a crazy life filled with trimming 40 fingernails at a time, washing a minimum of 28 outfits a week, and making sure four sets of teeth are brushed 120 times a month…but it’s a life we wouldn’t trade for anything.
Parents of four kids…what do you love about having four?
It wasn’t always like this. There was a time when four little boys didn’t fill our house with noise and laughter. There was a time when the silence was deafening, a time when the worry of never having children sat like a dark cloud overhead. There was a time when we had finally given life to a child, but couldn’t give him a sibling. Then came a time when three little miracles grew inside my womb together, but came far too soon and slipped away. There was a time when one was going to have to be ‘good enough’ because trying for more might not be safe. There was a time before two little brothers came along after years of seeing only one pink line on the stick while trying for each of them. A time before another woman gave birth to our last baby. Those times were grueling. They were filled with defeat, dread, and the kind of heartache that changes you. I turn away from the hurt and sadness we once knew, but it will always be a part of us.
In April of 2008 I looked into his eyes and I knew I had been right all along. I was put on this Earth to be a mommy. Our son, Josey, was a beautiful, healthy baby that had been carefully placed into our lives. My husband, Mike, and I married at 18 years old and although I had my ‘I need a baby’ moments, we waited to begin trying until almost 4 years later, after I graduated college and landed my first teaching job. Struggling for years to get pregnant caught us by surprise. By the grace of God and a little medical intervention, we welcomed our first son into our family.
Around the time of Josey’s first birthday, we decided we wanted to try for another baby. Our plan was always to have more than one child. Once again, my body just couldn’t do what I wanted most. The process was even more difficult and heartbreaking this time, but we finally found ourselves expecting once again.
In June of 2010, at eleven weeks pregnant, we had an appointment to have our first ultrasound to make sure the pregnancy was going well. When the doctor started the ultrasound, I instantly knew I saw more than one baby on the giant flat-screen. As I tried to speak, nothing came out. Finally, I said, “Is there more than one?” The doctor looked up and said, “Yes, It’s TRIPLETS.” I cannot describe the thoughts and feelings I was flooded with at that moment. My mind was racing. I reached for my husband’s hand and he just held on as we waited to see if we had three viable babies. We returned for another ultrasound a few weeks later. We saw three healthy and active babies safe inside. To say we were relieved was an understatement.
The very next day at 8:39 a.m., our second-born son, Johnny, was born at home. As I write this a decade later, it still doesn’t seem real. I woke up with some discomfort at 15 weeks along with our precious triplets. I called the doctor’s office and waited for a callback. I delivered Johnny at home about 30 minutes later. We were transported by ambulance to the hospital. I cannot describe the fear I felt as I rode in the ambulance, thinking I was losing all of my babies. In the ER, the doctor did an ultrasound and found two heartbeats safe inside. My cervix had suddenly dilated, causing me to lose Johnny. To this day, I do not know why that happened. Mike and I chose to hold our sweet little boy and I spent about 30 minutes with him in my arms. We are both so glad we chose to do that. He was tiny but beautifully made. Letting go of Johnny was the hardest thing I had ever had to do. Each day that followed was spent waiting for an ultrasound to see if the other two babies were still okay. I had to have a cerclage to ensure my cervix would not spontaneously open again. Unfortunately, the placenta never delivered with the baby. I was pumped full of antibiotics to prevent infection and placed on bed rest indefinitely. My grief was overwhelming, but I tried with all my heart to be strong for my two unborn babies.
16 days after delivering Johnny, I woke up cramping. I told myself all day the worst was not happening. At 1:30 the next morning, I accepted that it was. Mike drove me to the hospital, both of us begging God for it to be something else. My contractions were less than a minute apart for over two hours. It was the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life. My cervix had been sewn shut and was trying to open to let the babies come out. We were told the stitches had to be removed, but that doing so would most certainly cause us to lose both babies. About that time, Jaxsen decided he couldn’t wait, and he was born. Nothing could stop him, not even ‘unbreakable’ stitches. I was in and out of awareness for a while but still in extreme pain. I was moved to the operating room and our doctor came in to deliver the third baby and get my bleeding under control. The last thing I heard was, because the cervix ripped and they did not know the extent of the damage, I might have to have a complete hysterectomy. It was terrifying. Thankfully they were able to deliver our fourth-born son, Asher, and save my fertility. We were able to spend about an hour holding the babies after I recovered. They were perfect, sleeping angels.
Our biggest fear had become reality. I had developed a uterine infection that made it impossible for the babies to stay inside any longer. The infection moved into my blood system and caused me to become quite sick. We left the hospital 5 days later with nothing more than three little memory boxes. I did not know how I would continue to breathe except for the fact there was a little boy at home waiting for his mommy to return.
The emptiness that surrounded us after our loss was almost unbearable. I can’t put into words what it was like to picture and plan for a house full of children only to have that dream vanish entirely. Our house was supposed to be noisy, busy, and full of children’s laughter. Instead, we clung desperately to our then two-year-old and mourned the loss of a life we might never have.
Two years later, after medical treatments, surgical procedures, and more prayers than I thought possible, we welcomed our rainbow baby. When Gavin let out a big cry and was placed in my arms in 2012, I exhaled for what felt like the first time in nine months. My body hadn’t failed me that time, and we left the hospital with a healthy baby boy. Three years and four days later, we welcomed our second rainbow baby after enduring the same process once more. Parker Jack came into our lives and made us the proud parents of three boys in our arms and three in Heaven.
Flash forward to the spring of 2018. I turned 35 in March… an age I set for us to be done having children. Our oldest child turned 10 and it seemed like the baby stage of our life was naturally ending. I would be lying if I said I didn’t wonder if we were really done. I started imagining getting pregnant again. “Should we try just one more time? Is it too dangerous?” My medical condition makes each additional pregnancy a little riskier, and we have no way of knowing if I would be able to carry another baby successfully. I started praying for a sign. A clear answer. And boy did I get one.
In mid-April, the night before our oldest turned 10, I was informed of a birth-mother who was set on adoption and wanted her baby to go to a family with children. She was looking for an experienced couple who could give her child a life she never had. Someone who knew our hearts for adoption suggested we meet her. I thought of how, in the early days after our loss, we began talking about adoption. It was placed on both of our hearts and really never left our thoughts. Over the years, we had both mentioned it at times. We never had the chance to give our triplets the beautiful life they deserved. The thought of being able to do just that for a child in need of a forever family kept our hearts open to the idea.
Adoption doesn’t just happen though. People wait years and spend tens of thousands of dollars on agency adoptions to connect with a birth-mother. I just couldn’t imagine this would happen for us. We had not been planning or saving for adoption at all. Was it even possible to adopt with the impending due date only 12 weeks away? I had no idea where to begin, but somewhere deep down inside, I just couldn’t shake the idea. We talked through the financial side, the impact this would have on our boys, and all the details we could think of. We ultimately decided to take a huge leap of faith and see where the journey took us. Soon after that, we found out the baby’s due date was July 20th, the day we lost the first of our babies. I remember laughing as I thought, ‘Okay, God, I hear you loud and clear.’ This was the journey our family was meant to be on. If there is one thing that is for certain, it is our life together has never played out the way we have expected. We’ve been thrown so many curve balls while building our family, we know better than to assume we know what is around the corner. So we took a shaky step toward pursuing adoption. Then we took another. And another.
I always say our love for our children is so big because it has to reach all the way to Heaven. We knew we could give this child a life full of snuggles, kisses, silly jokes, big brothers with hearts the size of Texas, and a Mommy and Daddy who love with a fierceness not easily put into words. We could give this child the life his biological mom dreamed of for her baby.
Doors continued to open and in three weeks, we were sitting in front of an amazing young girl, who after an hour of talking with her, chose us to parent her child. The paperwork, doctor’s visits, home study preparations, home study visits, and planning kept us moving at a whirlwind pace. We found out the baby was a boy a few weeks before he arrived. We were so happy… and not surprised at all. Parenting boys is kind of our thing.
On July 25th, what we now lovingly refer to as our Double Rainbow Day, our seventh son was born on his big brother’s birthday. Six years to the day after welcoming our first rainbow baby, our family welcomed another reminder of the beauty that can come after a storm. When Mike and I met him, he was snuggled tightly in his birth mother’s arms. With a smile on her face, this sweet, young girl placed her baby in my trembling arms. I don’t know if words could ever do justice to that moment. My heart shattered and rejoiced at the same time. I wanted this baby so much. Mike and I had planned and prayed and loved this boy for only a few weeks, but he was ours in every sense of the word.
Eight days after his birth, we sat before a judge and vowed to love and care for Jensen always. A chapter in our family’s story that started a mere 12 weeks earlier drew to a close as we walked out of the judge’s chambers as the proud parents of seven boys. Three of our boys have brought love and joy to our lives over the last twelve years. Three of them changed the entire course of our lives when they went to Heaven. They constantly push us to be the best parents we can be. And one tiny little baby came into our lives when we least expected it and showed us the true meaning of sacrifice, hope, and family. We finally have the crazy, chaotic, beautiful, full life we have dreamed of for so long.
Lazer Lee Photography
When you see our family now, I hope you see the joy and beauty that came out of our battle. I hope you see how we made peace with the cards we were dealt, and how we made our own path. Most importantly I hope you see hope. After all, it’s the thing that got us to this place.
We went to the park. It’s cold and drizzly and I’m exhausted, but we went anyway. Today didn’t start out very great. The perfect balance and preparedness it takes to get us to work and four kids to school with everything they need proved to be unattainable today. The wheels fell off the whole operation before 7:30 am.
I got to work frustrated and feeling a little defeated. Then this afternoon I met an older Mom in the Aldi parking lot, who after apologizing to me for parking too close as I tried to squish myself into my car, shared that she was distracted because she was having a tough day in motherhood herself. Her daughters are in college and she was dealing with stress, disappointment, and worry about something that happened with them.
I have no idea why she sat there talking to a total stranger except that I offered a smile and a “no problem” when she apologized. I’m so glad she did though. She helped me remember that this crazy stage ranging from daycare to junior high that we’re living in won’t last forever. Soon enough my four will be grown and I’ll be dealing with a whole different set of motherhood challenges. So we went to the park and I watched them laugh and play, and none of the hard parts of today mattered anymore.
I’ve been so consumed with the stress of being stuck in the house with four bored kids for a week straight, the worry of possible frozen pipes and power outages, and trying to keep the kids learning and myself working that I almost missed something so important.
Friends, we have been given direct instructions from the powers that be to NOT do any laundry. Not only should we not do it, but it’s the best way we can help ensure that our communities do not lose power from an overloaded system in this crazy winter storm. So today there will be no shame when you walk by the baskets spilling laundry onto the floor, no fussing at your teenagers to wash their smelly clothes, and no feeling like you should be getting caught up on laundry instead of relaxing on the couch.
In this not-so-much-better-than-2020 year we’re living in where we’ve been introduced to another thing to hate with “forced rolling blackouts” we are going to embrace this freeing gift we have received and let that laundry sit as we proudly celebrate the way we are doing our part for one another.
Disclaimer: if you live somewhere that hasn’t been affected by this snowpocalypse I’m pretty sure you are still entitled to this laundry-free time because surely your support of our cause is essential.
It was 6:27 am on a normal Wednesday morning. The kids were eating breakfast as I scrambled to fix my hair before we had to leave. My husband called for our four-year-old to head to the truck so they could make it to preschool drop-off on time. Because of preschool opening time and the time my husband has to be at work, they have to stay on a strict departure schedule each morning.
That’s when I saw it. The cute little paper bag with my son’s name on it and a note about bringing show and tell items. It sat empty on the kitchen counter. No objects of the designated color had been hunted down the night before and carefully placed into the bag so he could proudly reveal them that morning. I had three minutes to find something brown that would fit into the bag, and be fun for him to talk about with his classmates.
I can’t even remember what I haphazardly tossed into the bag that morning, but in that moment my heart just felt so heavy. In the grand scheme of things, one overlooked show and tell is meaningless, but that morning it felt like more. It felt like I had failed my child.
I try so hard to make sure everything is just right each night before I go to bed. With four kids, full-time jobs, and a household to manage, my husband and I have a lot to do after the kids are asleep every night. I move around the house for hours each night packing the diaper bag, doing laundry, checking backpacks, writing checks for lunch money, and signing reading logs. I try so hard to make sure I’m doing enough. I want my children to have everything they need to be successful, and I want them to look back fondly on the way I cared for them.
But the truth is, sometimes it is just too much.
I’ve learned over the last decade of parenting that I can’t be perfect. So why does it hurt so much when I feel like I fail? I know that with the weight I’m carrying as a mother, I’m bound to make mistakes here and there. My mind knows that it is impossible to be everything to everyone all the time.
But my heart. My heart wants my family to have the great mom that they deserve. The mom who bakes fresh cookies each week, who always has them to practice on time, and the mom who never yells at little people who aren’t getting in the car fast enough when we’re rushed.
It’s a constant battle trying to decide if I’m getting it right. I read articles telling me to “let the laundry wait, because babies don’t keep,” but there’s also the blog post saying “don’t feel guilty for cleaning the house instead of playing with your kids if it makes you a better mom.” How do I know that my enough is enough? What guarantee do I have the what I’m doing will bring my kids the happiness and success I so desperately wish for them?
Finding the balance in parenting is just hard. We all know there isn’t a rule book or instruction manual for this role. Somehow we have to just do our best, with our love for our children guiding the way, and hope that it is in fact enough. Maybe if I keep telling myself this one day it will stick.
Am I still going to rush around at the last minute to get one more thing for my son’s school project, so he doesn’t feel disappointed? Probably. Will I still stay up way past my bedtime just to make sure that someone’s favorite shirt gets into the dryer for tomorrow? More than likely.
But can I also give myself a little grace? You bet. The thing about parenting is that we try so hard to make our kids happy, but they don’t even notice half of what we are doing for them. What they do notice is that they are safe, loved, and protected. They know that we are in their corner, and will be by their side through the lowest of the lows and the highest of the highs.
My son has long since forgotten about the boring brown toy in his bag that day, but he won’t soon forget my love for him or the smile on my face when he looks back and sees me rooting for him. Because that’s always where I’ll be for my kids. Just being me. Just the way I am. Imperfectly parenting to the best of my ability.
Are you a parent looking to organize your finances? Wondering where to start? Financial planning should be at the top of every parent’s “to-do” list, so make it a priority to get your finances straight with these helpful hints:
Organize Your Assets
One of the first steps to financial planning is organizing your assets. Gather bank statements, mortgage documents, and any other items that pertain to your finances. Figuring out the value of your home will help you get a head start in calculating your assets, so use this tool to find your home’s value. This is also a good time to review your credit report to make sure there are no inaccuracies that could impact your future. Identity theft can happen to anyone, so it’s wise to stay on top of your credit report.
Keep Multiple Savings
As a parent, you’re constantly thinking about your family’s future. One of the best ways you can prepare for what lies ahead is to start saving. You can set multiple goals for your savings accounts. There’s more to save for than just college. Start thinking about what you would like to do when the kids are grown up as well. Retirement should be a time for parents to relax and enjoy life after working so hard to raise a family. Make sure you are prepared with a retirement fund that can keep you comfortable and happy when the time comes.
Invest Wisely
Investments are a wonderful way to enhance your financial portfolio and better your family’s future. When you think of investing, you likely think of the stock market. While putting money into stocks can definitely earn you profits, there are other ways to invest your money as well. From minerals to becoming a silent partner, you can help your assets grow in a variety of ways. If you do decide to make a major leap, think about consulting with a financial advisor to make sure you’re being smart with your money.
Update Insurance Policies
Insurance is another way to invest in your family’s health and future. Health insurance will help you cover any medical costs that arise as your children grow. It’s also a good idea to look into life insurance and familiarize yourself with the different kinds of policies and protections that are out there. Having life insurance is one of the best ways you can protect your family. Coverage provides financial peace of mind if the unthinkable happens, but you can also cash out certain policies for other expenses, like retirement or higher education. Review your car insurance as well. Instead of just purchasing minimum coverage, you may prefer full coverage so that your family has full protection. You can save on auto insurance by grouping other insurance policies together, being a safe driver, and installing an anti-theft device in your car.
Consider Charitable Giving
Philanthropy is a wonderful way to instill positive values in your children and connect your family. Giving a portion of your assets to organizations in need helps build up your community as well. To make the most of your giving, sit down as a family to talk about the causes that mean the most to each of you. Make an activity of it and give each family member a certain amount to donate to the cause they care about. Be sure to check out non-profit ratings before you give to ensure your money is being put to good use.
Have a Will
Life insurance will help your family in their time of need, but a will can make managing finances easier if something should happen to you. Work with an attorney to write out a will and make sure all of your assets are included in it. Think about your burial wishes, whether you’d like to be cremated to prefer a traditional burial, and put these last wishes into writing. It’s never pleasant to think about our own demise, but doing so becomes a necessity when you’re a parent.
Financial planning is something every family should accomplish. As a parent, you want what’s best for your children and organizing your assets is a great way to give them the stability they need to grow and thrive. So sit down and get your finances in order to offer your family — and yourself — some peace of mind.
Life has been an absolute whirlwind since the birth of our fourth son three months ago. We are adjusting to having a newborn in the house again. I’ve gone back to work and started a new job after a fast, and precious six weeks off with the baby.
In June I posted the first part of our adoption story and I’m excited to finally have a few minutes to share the next piece of our family’s journey.
On April 18, 2018 a family friend told me about a young girl who had just told her she was pregnant and was set on letting her baby be adopted. The girl wanted experienced parents and hoped for siblings for her baby. I listened carefully to the few details our friend had to offer. I honestly thought there was no chance we would adopt this baby, but my heart swelled with joy and excitement at the thought.
The birth mother was 27 weeks along and had not had any prenatal care during her pregnancy. This sweet girl had hid her pregnancy from everyone. One of the single most heartbreaking parts of this story is that she was without any supportive adults. Her relationships with her parents were strained at best, so she had to make huge decisions completely on her own. When she had her 16th birthday, she knew she would legally be able to make an adoption plan for her baby, so she reached out to a trusted adult.
About a week later we heard that the birth mother wanted to meet us. We were so nervous, but agreed to move forward. We worried about starting a process that could lead us to heartache. Losing our triplets in 2010 was excruciating, and we knew adoption plans come with risk of loss as well. We didn’t want to do anything that would bring hurt to our three boys either. How would we explain hoping and planning for a baby and then having it not work out?
The weekend of April 28th, we made peace that our dream for adoption would not be happening. One of the birth mother’s parents was against adoption for this baby and wanted her to parent. We heard nothing all weekend and even though we had been cautious, we were definitely a little heartbroken.
The following Monday I received a surprising text message. The birth mother was not going to let anyone talk her out of her plan for the baby to be adopted. She wanted to meet us asap! I feel like that was the moment that I started thinking of this as our baby. I had a peace that just told me that we were meant to his or her forever family.
I remember walking into my friend’s classroom one day and although Mike and I swore not to say a word to anyone about this possible adoption, I blurted out to her that we were thinking of adopting and had no idea where to start. I owe everything to how supportive and informative she was that day. Having a brave, experienced adoptive mom in my life was just another detail that had been intricately orchestrated in our adoption story. If I hadn’t had someone to ask about attorneys, costs, and the process I might have said “no” to adoption out of fear of the unknown.
On May 10, I sat nervously in an attorney’s office that my friend had suggested. I was fully expecting to be laughed out of the office when I told the attorney we were only about ten weeks away from the due date. I remember how calm and hopeful he was when he said with a smile, “I think we can make it happen!” Again, I was in awe of how this story was unfolding.
The next evening, on May 11, 2018, Mike and I sat across from a young girl in a small Mexican restaurant. Her tiny baby bump was hidden carefully under a pink hoodie sweatshirt. We explained details of our life honestly and openly. It was so strange each time I became aware that we were essentially interviewing to parent her child. This sweet girl blew me away with her decisiveness and obvious love for her baby. I was surprised at how easy the conversation was. My nerves melted away in the first few minutes. As we left I asked if I could give her a hug. She nodded and as I embraced this strong, brave girl, I knew we had a special connection.
Less than an hour later she sent us a message saying we were going to be parenting her baby. As I stared at the message, I blinked back tears of joy and relief.
Over the next two months, I met with the birth mother to get pedicures, and to attend the last few of her doctor’s appointments. Those two months were filled with completing our home study and trying to prepare for having a baby in the house again. It was a time filled with worries, stress, and sadness. I laid in bed many nights praying and wondering if this was God’s plan for us. Was this his plan for this baby? Would something happen that stopped us from getting to parent this child?
We found out the baby was a boy a few weeks before he arrived. We were so happy…and not surprised at all. Parenting boys is kind of our thing.
When July arrived, we had completed everything on our end of the adoption. We were officially eligible to adopt and just waiting on delivery. I bought only a few things for the baby just in case the birth mother changed her mind. We found out that she waived five of her decision days, so we would know five days after birth if we were going to be able to keep the baby. She wanted us to meet the baby shortly after birth and bring him home with us from the hospital.
The birth mother’s doctor would not induce her until her due date, so we waited excitedly for July 22nd to come. Looking back, those few weeks in July were some of the most exciting times we’ve experienced as a family.
Finally, on July 24th I sat in the waiting room while the birth mother went back for her appointment. In a few minutes I got a text that said she would be induced that night! I actually had to leave to go to a job interview minutes later and have no idea how I actually spoke coherently through my excitement. All I could think about was that our son would be in our arms soon.
Later that evening, we received word that the birth mother hadn’t shown up for her induction and it was hours past her scheduled time to be admitted. The next 24 hours would be some of the scariest, most heartbreaking, most blessed times in the lives of myself, Mike, our boys, and our extended family.
In honor of National Rainbow Baby Day today, I want to share the story of my rainbows. I want to tell the world about the babies that healed my shattered heart. The little boys who saved a woman from sinking into a grief so deep that there might have been no return. I want to tell you how I’m still standing after the storm.
Eight years ago I was early in my motherhood journey with a beautiful two-year-old that we finally had after facing infertility. We had battled infertility a second time and by the grace of God I was carrying a set of triplet boys. The sun was warm on my face as I breathed in the summer air.
One day a storm started brewing in the distance. It brought with it the death of one of our triplet sons. The storm raged for sixteen long days and nights before it claimed the second and third triplet. I was strong and steady in the storm, but in the end was no match for it’s destruction.
My husband and I clung desperately to the only sunshine we could see, our two-year-old son. I’ve written before about the amazing ability he had to make me want to stay on this Earth when I thought of nothing but going to be with my angels. He was the baby that gave me a worry free pregnancy and delivery. I was naive to the hurt and pain of losing a child when I carried him. I refer to those first two years of parenting as the “before.” In the “after” he has continued to be one of the most beautiful parts of my life.
However, this isn’t his story I share today. This story is about the babies that came after the storm. The three little boys who put the color back in our lives.
Two years after losing our triplets I was in a hospital bed hearing the long awaited first cry of our first rainbow baby. We had once again faced infertility, but also a scary surgery, and nine long months of wondering if he would survive. Every morning that he was inside my womb, I put my hands on my belly and asked God to save him. I begged for a chance to deliver a living baby. In those days I would have traded anything to give my first son a sibling.
The moment I realized that our rainbow baby was drawing breath.
Our amazing rainbow baby began to heal my heart in those first moments of his life. My body hadn’t failed me this time. I had protected this baby and he was going to live. And live he has. He has continued to be a light in our lives for the past six years. He is his big brother’s best friend, and a ball of energy that keeps our house full of loud noises and excitement.
Amazingly, I gave birth to our second rainbow three years later. And guess what? Four weeks ago today, we adopted our third rainbow baby to complete our family. A woman came into our lives unexpectedly and just knew we were suppose to be Mom and Dad to her baby. So here we are with four perfect boys in our arms, and three angel boys in Heaven.
I would be lying if I said that I came out of the storm as strong as I went in, but here I am living my best life. Four little boys get to be loved by a woman who was once broken and lost, but is now standing in the sunlight once again.
Our sunshine baby, as we call our first son, and these three rainbows have put the color back into our world. You can find my husband and I shaking our heads and wondering how all this happened in just ten short years. How did we come so close to losing it all and end up with cups overflowing?
The only answer I have is that we survive the storm one day at a time. We allow ourselves to feel the pain of loss while also giving ourselves permission to feel the joy.
Our rainbows don’t negate the storm, but add hope and beauty to a story that is still being written.
About three weeks ago my husband and I announced that we are adopting! The outpouring of love and encouragement we have received has been so touching. I have been wanting to write about how this adoption came about and why it is happening so fast, but honestly my head has been spinning. I think I am finally ready to start sharing.
First things first. WHY are we adopting? A few people have asked us and that is totally fine. After all, we are a couple with three beautiful biological children…so our “why” might not be as obvious.
I come from a family with two parents that have been married for 40 plus years and raised five kids. I am used to a big family and love having four siblings. My life is full because of my sisters, their husbands, and my nieces and nephew. I have always been open to the idea of a big family and want that for my children.
Mike’s parents divorced when he was young so his childhood was a little less traditional. He was very loved, but his sense of family is very different from mine. We married as teenagers, and both openly discussed wanting several children.
We were married six years before our first child was born. We battled infertility and although that story is too long to share here, I mention it to say that there was a time that we thought adoption might be the way we became parents. We were overjoyed when I delivered our first son in 2008.
Giving him a sibling was a non-negotiable for us. We pursued fertility treatment again, and became pregnant with triplet boys. When they were born too soon (another story that is too long to share here) and didn’t survive, our hearts were shattered. Due to the complications from that pregnancy we did not know if I could ever carry another baby.
The emptiness that surrounded us after our loss was almost unbearable. I can’t put into words what it was like to picture and plan for a house full of children only to have that dream vanish entirely. Our house was suppose to be noisy, busy, and full of children’s laughter. Instead, we clung desperately to our then two-year-old and mourned the loss of a life we might never have.
I remember in the early days after our loss how we began talking about adoption. It was placed on both of our hearts and really never left our thoughts. Over the years we have both mentioned it at times.
We went on to have two more biological sons. Medical treatments, surgical procedures, and more prayers than I thought possible brought us the family of our dreams.
Flash forward to the spring of this year. I turned 35 in March…an age I set for us to be done having children. Our oldest child turned 10 and it seemed like the baby stage of our life was naturally ending. I would be lying if I didn’t wonder if we were really done. I started imagining getting pregnant again. Should we try just one more time? Is it too dangerous? My medical condition makes each additional pregnancy a little more risky, and we have no way of knowing if I would be able to carry another baby successfully.
I started praying for a sign. A clear answer. And boy did I get one.
In mid-April, the night before our oldest turned 10, I was informed of a birth-mother who was set on adoption and wanted her baby to go to a family with children. She was looking for an experienced couple who could give her child a life that she never had. Someone who knew our hearts for adoption suggested that we meet her.
Honestly, at first I kinda blew it off. This doesn’t happen. People wait years, and spend tens of thousands of dollars on agency adoptions to connect with a birth-mother. I just couldn’t imagine this would happen for us.
We had not been planning or saving for an adoption at all. Was it even possible to adopt with the impending due date only 12 weeks away? We had never hired an attorney in our life, and had no idea where to begin. Somewhere deep down inside I just couldn’t shake the idea. I was actually nervous to mention it to Mike. He is so logical and often helps me stay grounded when I come up with big ideas. I often act with my heart first and just hope the details work out. As soon as I began talking about it, he was on board entirely. We talked through the financial side, the impact this would have on our boys, and all the details we could think of. We ultimately decided to take a huge leap of faith and see where the journey took us.
If there is one thing that is for certain, it is that our life together has never played out the way we have expected. We’ve been thrown so many curve balls while building our family, we know better than to assume we know what is around the corner. So we took a shaky step toward pursuing adoption. Then we took another. And another.
We don’t live a lavish life by any means, but we have so much love to give to a child. I always say our love is so big because it has to reach all the way to Heaven. The life we give this child will be full of snuggles, kisses, silly jokes, big brothers with hearts the size of Texas, and a Mommy and Daddy who love with a fierceness not easily put into words. We will give this child the life his biological mom can only dream of. That’s what adoption means to us…Changing the world for one child.
Doors continued to open and in three weeks we were sitting in front of an amazing person, who after an hour of talking with, chose us to parent her child.
I reached out to a friend who connected me with an attorney to help us start the process. I fully expected an “it’s not possible” from the attorney when I told him we had nine weeks until the expected delivery. He looked right at me and said, “I think we can do it!” I was floored. I called my husband and excitedly told him that we had a green light, and we haven’t stopped scrambling to organize the details since. The paperwork, doctor’s visits, home study preparations, home study visit, and planning has kept us moving at a whirlwind pace for the last month. There is a constant buzz of excitement in this once quiet, empty house.
I can’t wait to share more as we are able to. We have been open about every aspect of our devastating loss, and our unconventional journey to parenthood. Our reason is simple…to touch even one person who is walking through a similar experience and fill them with even a little hope. We feel sharing about our adoption is just as important as any other part of our story.
I plan to write a detailed post about the cost of our domestic adoption, as I found little information on what to expect when I began my research. Due to the extremely short time frame for our adoption, we have launched a t-shirt fundraiser on Bonfire to help with our unexpected costs. If you feel led to donate, or support adoption awareness by purchasing a shirt, we would be forever grateful!
