Three years ago we walked into a little Mexican restaurant with hearts pounding and butterflies in our stomachs. In a booth in the back corner sat a young girl with a beautiful smile. Her pink hoodie sweatshirt carefully covered the bump under her shirt. My husband and I shared our hearts, hopes, and dreams with her as an hour flew by in an instant.
She told us about her absolute determination to place her baby for adoption, and we hoped she’d choose us to be the baby’s forever family. It was gut-wrenching when I became aware that this was the hardest conversation I would ever have in my life. As we said our goodbyes I asked if I could hug her because I knew that no matter what happened, she had changed our lives.
30 minutes later we got word that she knew with certainty that we were her baby’s parents. A little over two months later we took a beautiful baby boy in our arms and welcomed him as our son when he was one hour old. For the third time, I took Jensen back to sit outside the restaurant that brought him into our lives that evening three years ago.
I don’t really know why I do this, but it just feels like an important part of his story that I want to share with him. One day, not long from now, I picture myself sitting next to him on this little bench while I tell him the most beautiful story about the power of unconditional love, sacrifice, and family.
Tomorrow I will head back to work after five long months staying home with the boys. Even with the uncertainty and worry of going back to school, sending the boys to on-site school, and the baby starting daycare for the first time ever, I have felt ready. Ready to get back to being “me.” The mom of four who also works full-time. The woman who leads a building full of teachers to improve math instruction for all students. To get back to a job that I love.
So this morning took me by surprise. I have shed more than a few tears after dropping the oldest off at football practice and sitting down for one more slow morning of snuggling and watching tv with the little guys. I didn’t expect to feel so emotional thinking back over the last five months. I didn’t expect to feel so nervous to get back out into the world, but it’s all hitting me today. I have been hesitant to weigh-in on the virtual school vs. on-site school options because everyone has their own unique situation to consider. My kids are going to school because that’s where I will be. It’s also where I want them to be. Where my boys thrive and grow best. But am I nervous they’ll get sick? Yes. Am I nervous we won’t even make it a week before we are back to virtual school? Also yes. But that’s not why my heart is aching this morning.
I have done my fair share of complaining, yelling, and crying over the last few months. Staying home with four little boys from ages 1-12 wasn’t easy for this mom. Most days from March to May, I loathed virtual schooling and longed to go back to school/work. I struggled to get any work done in my job as math coach while helping the kids with their classwork, keeping the preschooler busy, and chasing an energetic and destructive one-year-old. I just wanted to be around adults and have grown-up conversations. I have worked outside the home since I was fourteen. I took short maternity leaves with each baby, but quickly returned to work because that’s who I am. I have never idealized the role of stay-at-home mom. I saw my mom do it with five kids, and I know it is insanely hard. Although my children are my world, staying home for two months in the summer is always great for me and I’m ready to go back to school each fall.
Then June and July came and went. Our days were less structured, but there were no waterparks to visit, no vacations to take and no fun adventures beyond the backyard and a few trails around town. With social distancing and keeping our family as safe as possible, it just wasn’t the summer I normally get to have with the kids. Fun summer off-work mom was more like same-old-mom who’s been on our backs for three months already. We did share some fun together, but the day in and day out of being home felt heavy most days.
So why am I sad, if we all so desperately want to get back to whatever “normal” looks like now? Because I just got to spend 5 months with my kids. Just being their mom and loving them the best way I know how. I didn’t have to entrust their care to someone else, I didn’t have to worry if they were safe or feeling okay. I didn’t have to rush home from work to scramble them from activity to activity. We baked cookies way too often, did fun home improvement projects, played in the sprinkler, and grew even closer as a family. I watched the boys pair off with different brothers depending on what their interest was that day. I got to sip my coffee while listening to their giggles and watching them show off their newest (wrestling/singing/dancing/ninja) skills. I was there to hug the four-year-old when it all felt like too much and the sadness of missing his friends at preschool was so heavy for him. I rubbed the seven-year-old’s back when the school writing assignment caused him to stress about spelling words correctly. I was there to see for myself every time the baby learned something new or said an adorable new phrase. And I was moved to tears more than once watching the twelve-year-old turn into such a grown person right in front of my eyes. He effortlessly helped me care for his little brothers, keep the house clean, and always knew when I just needed a break. He has always been a nurturer and my right hand man when Daddy isn’t here, but he grew into something much more the last few months. Despite the pre-teen moments (yes we had plenty of those too), I’m pretty sure he’s going to be a pretty good adult one day.
So today, I’m going to let the tears fall. They tell a story of the toughest, yet most rewarding parenting months of my life. Tomorrow I will put on a smile and excitedly look forward to working once again, but if you see a tear or two slide down onto my mask, just know I am a Mom who got a little too attached to staying home with her four amazing kids and needs a little time to get used to being “just Allison” for eight hours a day once again.
Are you a parent looking to organize your finances? Wondering where to start? Financial planning should be at the top of every parent’s “to-do” list, so make it a priority to get your finances straight with these helpful hints:
Organize Your Assets
One of the first steps to financial planning is organizing your assets. Gather bank statements, mortgage documents, and any other items that pertain to your finances. Figuring out the value of your home will help you get a head start in calculating your assets, so use this tool to find your home’s value. This is also a good time to review your credit report to make sure there are no inaccuracies that could impact your future. Identity theft can happen to anyone, so it’s wise to stay on top of your credit report.
Keep Multiple Savings
As a parent, you’re constantly thinking about your family’s future. One of the best ways you can prepare for what lies ahead is to start saving. You can set multiple goals for your savings accounts. There’s more to save for than just college. Start thinking about what you would like to do when the kids are grown up as well. Retirement should be a time for parents to relax and enjoy life after working so hard to raise a family. Make sure you are prepared with a retirement fund that can keep you comfortable and happy when the time comes.
Invest Wisely
Investments are a wonderful way to enhance your financial portfolio and better your family’s future. When you think of investing, you likely think of the stock market. While putting money into stocks can definitely earn you profits, there are other ways to invest your money as well. From minerals to becoming a silent partner, you can help your assets grow in a variety of ways. If you do decide to make a major leap, think about consulting with a financial advisor to make sure you’re being smart with your money.
Update Insurance Policies
Insurance is another way to invest in your family’s health and future. Health insurance will help you cover any medical costs that arise as your children grow. It’s also a good idea to look into life insurance and familiarize yourself with the different kinds of policies and protections that are out there. Having life insurance is one of the best ways you can protect your family. Coverage provides financial peace of mind if the unthinkable happens, but you can also cash out certain policies for other expenses, like retirement or higher education. Review your car insurance as well. Instead of just purchasing minimum coverage, you may prefer full coverage so that your family has full protection. You can save on auto insurance by grouping other insurance policies together, being a safe driver, and installing an anti-theft device in your car.
Consider Charitable Giving
Philanthropy is a wonderful way to instill positive values in your children and connect your family. Giving a portion of your assets to organizations in need helps build up your community as well. To make the most of your giving, sit down as a family to talk about the causes that mean the most to each of you. Make an activity of it and give each family member a certain amount to donate to the cause they care about. Be sure to check out non-profit ratings before you give to ensure your money is being put to good use.
Have a Will
Life insurance will help your family in their time of need, but a will can make managing finances easier if something should happen to you. Work with an attorney to write out a will and make sure all of your assets are included in it. Think about your burial wishes, whether you’d like to be cremated to prefer a traditional burial, and put these last wishes into writing. It’s never pleasant to think about our own demise, but doing so becomes a necessity when you’re a parent.
Financial planning is something every family should accomplish. As a parent, you want what’s best for your children and organizing your assets is a great way to give them the stability they need to grow and thrive. So sit down and get your finances in order to offer your family — and yourself — some peace of mind.
My heart begins to race when I sit down to attempt writing Jensen’s birth story. The emotions of the day flood back to me bringing tears instantly. His birth day was so different than his big brothers’, but also so much the same. It was a day filled with worry and uncertainty, but also that special kind of joy and love that comes the day you meet your child.
I wrote about the events leading up to Jensen’s birth in my first and second blog posts about his adoption. I share his story proudly in hopes of reaching someone who is unsure if adoption is for their family, someone who is newly navigating an adoption journey, and for Jensen to read later and know how loved and wanted he has been every minute of his life.
We waited eagerly by the phone on July 24. We were waiting to hear that the birth mother had showed up to the hospital for her induction. She was a few hours late and we wondered if she was okay. At around 10:00 pm we got word that she had made it to the hospital and had begun checking in.
Mike and I packed the car and headed to the hospital to offer any support she might need. This was hard. We didn’t know exactly what she expected from us, and certainly didn’t want to overstep. When we arrived, we visited her room and were able to give her a little care package for her stay in the hospital. We visited with her a little bit. She had two of her friends with her and we heard that her mom would be with her too. I had worried for a while that she would be alone during her delivery. A tough part of this story is how alone and unsupported this sixteen-year-old girl had been throughout her pregnancy. I was so relieved that her family and a few friends were able to come and offer support.
The hospital offered us a courtesy room to stay as we waited on the baby to make his debut. We checked in around midnight and tried to get some sleep. We were very fortunate to be able to get text updates throughout the night. Around 6:30 in the morning, the birth mother got her epidural as she was fairly uncomfortable and not progressing too much. About thirty minutes later we received a scary update that the baby’s heart rate was dropping and the doctor was concerned. They began discussing a c-section, but decided to watch closely and try to avoid it. I remember praying so hard for the sweet, young girl to be able to deliver naturally. I knew at her age a major surgery was terrifying. The doctor broke her water at around 7:24 am, as we waited nervously down the hall.
Exactly six years before, we had been sitting in a hospital as I prepared to deliver our sweet Gavin. He was the baby we didn’t know if we could have. He was the baby that came after our great loss, and the baby that fought against all odds to be with us. We underwent months of infertility treatments trying to conceive him. I had to have surgery to carry him, and had little reason to believe that my body would be able to grow and deliver a healthy baby ever again. But on July 25, 2012, our rainbow baby came screaming into the world. He healed a piece of our hearts, and gave us hope that ultimately led us to try one more time when we added a third little boy to our family.
So here we sat, not-so-patiently waiting to welcome another baby on July 25th. Since it was Gavin’s sixth birthday, Mike grabbed me some breakfast and headed home to surprise Gavin with his special birthday request. He had asked for dinner for breakfast and breakfast for dinner, so Daddy stopped by Sonic and grabbed burgers and fries at 8:30 in the morning. We assumed he had plenty of time to eat breakfast with the boys, and didn’t want Gavin to feel disappointed on his birthday.
Baby’s birth mom asked for me to come see her, so I got around and headed to her room at 10:06. As I got to the door, I saw nurses and a doctor huddled outside her door having an obviously urgent discussion before darting off in different directions. Right then I got a text from inside the room telling me I couldn’t come in, and needed to wait for an update. I felt like I actually heard my heart fall to the floor standing there in the hospital corridor. I quickly walked back to our room and instantly began praying for the baby and his precious mother.
A few minutes later, I learned that the baby’s heart rate once again dropped dangerously and they couldn’t get it to come back up. The doctor pleaded with the birth mother to have a c-section, but she did not want to agree. She was so scared and confused. Luckily, she had a trusted adult in the room who was able to explain to her the urgency of the situation. At 10:15 am they whisked her off to surgery, as I continued praying (almost begging) for God’s protection for this young girl and her baby.
I walked out to the front desk to meet Mike’s mom who had arrived at the hospital, and a few moments later I heard the door to labor and delivery swing open as the most joyous words rang out, “Allison, your son is here!” At 10:32 am, Jensen Dean Smith was delivered by emergency c-section. He had the cord wrapped tightly around his neck many times, but he was healthy and absolutely perfect. Our sweet boy was 7 pounds, 15 ounces, and 20.5 inches long. He had a head full of dark hair. We received word that birth mom was doing great and we could see them both when she was moved back to her room.
A little over an hour later, as our boys and our family waited in our room, Mike and I met our son. He was snuggled tightly in his birth mother’s arms when we entered her room. With a smile on her face, this sweet, young girl placed her baby in my trembling arms. I don’t know if words could ever do justice to that moment. My heart shattered and rejoiced at the same time. I wanted this baby so much. Mike and I had planned and prayed, and loved this boy for only a few weeks, but he was ours in every sense of the word. Somehow though, I almost expected his birth mom to change her mind. As soon as I saw him, and saw the way she looked at him, I had no idea how she would let us be his forever family. I held him tight and kissed his sweet face before handing him to his Daddy. When I saw Mike’s big, loving hands wrap up that tiny baby, it was almost like I heard God whisper, “it’s okay, he was always meant to be your son.” A peace washed over me and any reservations or worries I had subsided. It was a beautiful moment that will forever be etched in my mind.
We left Jensen with his birth mother so she could give him his first bottle of donated breast milk and love on her son for a while. She had family members that came to see him, and we would end up taking him back to her room several times over the next 24 hours, honoring her every wish. About three hours after his birth, at 1:23 pm Jensen met his three big brothers. They held him, kissed him, and loved on him as we came together as a family of six for the first time. Gavin was so excited to welcome his “birthday brother.” We even celebrated their combined birthday with party hats and a gift from Jensen to Gavin. I had brought along a wrapped Lego set from baby Jensen. Gavin was so happy that baby got him a gift! We declared July 25th our Double Rainbow Day. We have three rainbow babies, our boys born after the loss of our triplets, but two sharing the same birthday is just oh so special.
The birthday boys!
Jensen was able to meet Pawpaw, Nana, Grandma, Memaw, and Aunt Alicia that afternoon too. We FaceTimed with the Boysens to tell Uncle Travis that Jensen was to be given his middle name of “Dean” because he is one of the most amazing men and dads we’ve ever known. Travis’ life has also been shaped by two loving people taking care of him and loving him like their own when he needed them most, so it seemed like the perfect choice.
Aunt Erin stopped by later on that afternoon and Jensen got to meet one of his future best friends, cousin Waylon. It was so special having so many of our family members visiting us on that special day.
That evening everyone left to go to our house to celebrate Gavin’s birthday. My heart was aching to miss one of my kids’ birthday parties for the first time, but Jensen and I snuggled up at the hospital to FaceTime for the party. Later that night, my sisters Alicia and Candra came to visit. Alicia decided to stay the night with us because Mike needed to be home with the kids and had to work the next morning. I was so thankful she came to keep me company.
The next morning, my Mom came to spend the day with us. We had the most perfect, fun day loving on Jensen and taking him to visit his birth mother when she asked to see him. I very much needed my Mom that day. Taking Jensen in to say goodbye to his birth mom was very hard. I was in awe of how she handled it. I know her heart was breaking, but she was brave and strong. She held him, kissed him, and told him how much she loved him. I reassured her of the life her son would have. I promised her he would never want for safety, love, happiness, or family. I felt almost motherly toward her as I encouraged her to make this decision count. She has the whole world ahead of her, and the power to change her story. My hope is that in a few years, Jensen will watch her graduate high school and go on to lead a beautiful, happy life. I will cherish the time just the three of us spent together that day.
That evening, Mike brought the boys to pick me and Jensen up from the hospital. We walked out as a forever family of six. We passed some of Jensen’s biological extended family as we walked out and they said their goodbyes as well.
Mike decided a few weeks before the baby arrived to get a tattoo of an arrow (the symbol for adoption) and a bible verse to symbolize Jensen’s story in our lives. As we walked out of the hospital we noticed the same verse displayed on the wall. We smiled and excepted it as another sign of how “meant to be” this beautiful, unexpected journey has been.
I will write about the following five days some other time, but it was a faithful, hopeful time for our family. The five day waiting period tested us emotionally in every way. The doubt and worry weighed heavy on us, but we also trusted God’s plan for our new son. When day five came and went without event, we moved forward with finalizing the adoption.
Eight days after his birth, our son legally became Jensen Dean Smith. We sat before a judge and vowed to love and care for him always. A chapter in our family’s story that started a mere 13 weeks earlier, drew to a close as we walked out of the judge’s chambers as the proud parents of seven boys. Three of our boys have brought love and joy to every minute of our lives over the last ten years. Three of them changed the entire course of our lives when they went to Heaven, and they constantly push us to be the best parents we can be. And one tiny little baby came into our lives when we least expected it and showed us the true meaning of sacrifice, hope, and family.
Life has been an absolute whirlwind since the birth of our fourth son three months ago. We are adjusting to having a newborn in the house again. I’ve gone back to work and started a new job after a fast, and precious six weeks off with the baby.
In June I posted the first part of our adoption story and I’m excited to finally have a few minutes to share the next piece of our family’s journey.
On April 18, 2018 a family friend told me about a young girl who had just told her she was pregnant and was set on letting her baby be adopted. The girl wanted experienced parents and hoped for siblings for her baby. I listened carefully to the few details our friend had to offer. I honestly thought there was no chance we would adopt this baby, but my heart swelled with joy and excitement at the thought.
The birth mother was 27 weeks along and had not had any prenatal care during her pregnancy. This sweet girl had hid her pregnancy from everyone. One of the single most heartbreaking parts of this story is that she was without any supportive adults. Her relationships with her parents were strained at best, so she had to make huge decisions completely on her own. When she had her 16th birthday, she knew she would legally be able to make an adoption plan for her baby, so she reached out to a trusted adult.
About a week later we heard that the birth mother wanted to meet us. We were so nervous, but agreed to move forward. We worried about starting a process that could lead us to heartache. Losing our triplets in 2010 was excruciating, and we knew adoption plans come with risk of loss as well. We didn’t want to do anything that would bring hurt to our three boys either. How would we explain hoping and planning for a baby and then having it not work out?
The weekend of April 28th, we made peace that our dream for adoption would not be happening. One of the birth mother’s parents was against adoption for this baby and wanted her to parent. We heard nothing all weekend and even though we had been cautious, we were definitely a little heartbroken.
The following Monday I received a surprising text message. The birth mother was not going to let anyone talk her out of her plan for the baby to be adopted. She wanted to meet us asap! I feel like that was the moment that I started thinking of this as our baby. I had a peace that just told me that we were meant to his or her forever family.
I remember walking into my friend’s classroom one day and although Mike and I swore not to say a word to anyone about this possible adoption, I blurted out to her that we were thinking of adopting and had no idea where to start. I owe everything to how supportive and informative she was that day. Having a brave, experienced adoptive mom in my life was just another detail that had been intricately orchestrated in our adoption story. If I hadn’t had someone to ask about attorneys, costs, and the process I might have said “no” to adoption out of fear of the unknown.
On May 10, I sat nervously in an attorney’s office that my friend had suggested. I was fully expecting to be laughed out of the office when I told the attorney we were only about ten weeks away from the due date. I remember how calm and hopeful he was when he said with a smile, “I think we can make it happen!” Again, I was in awe of how this story was unfolding.
The next evening, on May 11, 2018, Mike and I sat across from a young girl in a small Mexican restaurant. Her tiny baby bump was hidden carefully under a pink hoodie sweatshirt. We explained details of our life honestly and openly. It was so strange each time I became aware that we were essentially interviewing to parent her child. This sweet girl blew me away with her decisiveness and obvious love for her baby. I was surprised at how easy the conversation was. My nerves melted away in the first few minutes. As we left I asked if I could give her a hug. She nodded and as I embraced this strong, brave girl, I knew we had a special connection.
Less than an hour later she sent us a message saying we were going to be parenting her baby. As I stared at the message, I blinked back tears of joy and relief.
Over the next two months, I met with the birth mother to get pedicures, and to attend the last few of her doctor’s appointments. Those two months were filled with completing our home study and trying to prepare for having a baby in the house again. It was a time filled with worries, stress, and sadness. I laid in bed many nights praying and wondering if this was God’s plan for us. Was this his plan for this baby? Would something happen that stopped us from getting to parent this child?
We found out the baby was a boy a few weeks before he arrived. We were so happy…and not surprised at all. Parenting boys is kind of our thing.
When July arrived, we had completed everything on our end of the adoption. We were officially eligible to adopt and just waiting on delivery. I bought only a few things for the baby just in case the birth mother changed her mind. We found out that she waived five of her decision days, so we would know five days after birth if we were going to be able to keep the baby. She wanted us to meet the baby shortly after birth and bring him home with us from the hospital.
The birth mother’s doctor would not induce her until her due date, so we waited excitedly for July 22nd to come. Looking back, those few weeks in July were some of the most exciting times we’ve experienced as a family.
Finally, on July 24th I sat in the waiting room while the birth mother went back for her appointment. In a few minutes I got a text that said she would be induced that night! I actually had to leave to go to a job interview minutes later and have no idea how I actually spoke coherently through my excitement. All I could think about was that our son would be in our arms soon.
Later that evening, we received word that the birth mother hadn’t shown up for her induction and it was hours past her scheduled time to be admitted. The next 24 hours would be some of the scariest, most heartbreaking, most blessed times in the lives of myself, Mike, our boys, and our extended family.
When I was a little girl I relied on my dad for lots of things. He was the one who held onto the back of my bicycle when I couldn’t quite balance it on my own. His singing and guitar playing filled the house when I was having a hard time falling asleep. When I was scared I could slip my hand into his and suddenly I was the bravest girl in the room.
As I grew older and navigated my teenage years, Dad continued to be my safe place to land. When I had a rotten day at school, we could sit together for hours watching a baseball game on tv. Without even saying a word to each other, all was right in the world again. My car would break down. Dad was there in minutes working his magic to quickly bring the engine back to life. He was always there with good advice as I stumbled awkwardly through my “dramatic teenage girl moments.”
My Dad taught me that a husband and father should love his family, protect them, and always consider their well-being above that of his own. When I met the man of my dreams, my Dad walked me down the aisle and agreed to give me away as long as my husband understood that very thing. At our wedding reception, as my Dad fought back tears, he placed my hands into that of my husband’s and told him he was handing over the keys to my heart.
At first it was strange that my Dad wasn’t going to be the number one man in my life anymore. I often had to remind myself not to immediately call Dad when something broke around the house, but to give my husband a chance to figure it out. I mean how do you suddenly stop relying on the man who has been by your side for your entire life?
As I’ve grown older, and now have kids of my own, I think I have actually grown to appreciate my Dad even more than before. I still need him just as much as when I was a little girl.
I still need my Dad to make me feel safe. During my darkest times as a adult and a parent, my Dad is a person who I know just “gets it.” When he tells me that everything is going to be okay, I believe him. If I’m feeling nervous or anxious about something, he’s there to help talk me through it.
He always has a wise perspective to offer. His advice is invaluable to me. I will always feel the need to run things by my Dad. If I’m shopping for a new car, I want to know what he thinks about the make and model I’m considering. If I need directions for a trip, I assume Dad knows how to get there better than the map on my phone.
My Dad motivates me to constantly improve myself. He hasn’t had the easiest life an has certainly persevered through many challenges. He has always encouraged me to dream big and work hard. My Dad somehow sees the best in me, when I can’t see past my faults. I feel like I can do anything as long as he’s rooting for me. Getting a hug and an “I’m proud of you” from my Dad is better than any other prize or reward.
Maybe most importantly, I need my children to experience the love of a devoted grandfather. My Dad loves his grandchildren immensely, and they know it. He spoils them, praises them, and guides them in a way only a grandpa can. Much like parenthood has changed me, being a grandparent has transformed my Dad. It’s truly an amazing thing to watch. He is never too busy to change a diaper, throw a baseball, or read a book when his grandkids need him. My heart overflows with joy at the sight of my kids being held safely in my Daddy’s arms. They will forever think fondly of their “PawPaw” and never doubt the love he has for them.
It turns out that a little girl never really outgrows her Dad. She will need him for all the days of her life. If you are lucky like me and you were blessed to have an amazing Dad, remember to be grateful for the amazing gift he is to your life. If you are able to, give your Dad and big hug and a simple “thank you” this Father’s Day. It’s the least he deserves.
About three weeks ago my husband and I announced that we are adopting! The outpouring of love and encouragement we have received has been so touching. I have been wanting to write about how this adoption came about and why it is happening so fast, but honestly my head has been spinning. I think I am finally ready to start sharing.
First things first. WHY are we adopting? A few people have asked us and that is totally fine. After all, we are a couple with three beautiful biological children…so our “why” might not be as obvious.
I come from a family with two parents that have been married for 40 plus years and raised five kids. I am used to a big family and love having four siblings. My life is full because of my sisters, their husbands, and my nieces and nephew. I have always been open to the idea of a big family and want that for my children.
Mike’s parents divorced when he was young so his childhood was a little less traditional. He was very loved, but his sense of family is very different from mine. We married as teenagers, and both openly discussed wanting several children.
We were married six years before our first child was born. We battled infertility and although that story is too long to share here, I mention it to say that there was a time that we thought adoption might be the way we became parents. We were overjoyed when I delivered our first son in 2008.
Giving him a sibling was a non-negotiable for us. We pursued fertility treatment again, and became pregnant with triplet boys. When they were born too soon (another story that is too long to share here) and didn’t survive, our hearts were shattered. Due to the complications from that pregnancy we did not know if I could ever carry another baby.
The emptiness that surrounded us after our loss was almost unbearable. I can’t put into words what it was like to picture and plan for a house full of children only to have that dream vanish entirely. Our house was suppose to be noisy, busy, and full of children’s laughter. Instead, we clung desperately to our then two-year-old and mourned the loss of a life we might never have.
I remember in the early days after our loss how we began talking about adoption. It was placed on both of our hearts and really never left our thoughts. Over the years we have both mentioned it at times.
We went on to have two more biological sons. Medical treatments, surgical procedures, and more prayers than I thought possible brought us the family of our dreams.
Flash forward to the spring of this year. I turned 35 in March…an age I set for us to be done having children. Our oldest child turned 10 and it seemed like the baby stage of our life was naturally ending. I would be lying if I didn’t wonder if we were really done. I started imagining getting pregnant again. Should we try just one more time? Is it too dangerous? My medical condition makes each additional pregnancy a little more risky, and we have no way of knowing if I would be able to carry another baby successfully.
I started praying for a sign. A clear answer. And boy did I get one.
In mid-April, the night before our oldest turned 10, I was informed of a birth-mother who was set on adoption and wanted her baby to go to a family with children. She was looking for an experienced couple who could give her child a life that she never had. Someone who knew our hearts for adoption suggested that we meet her.
Honestly, at first I kinda blew it off. This doesn’t happen. People wait years, and spend tens of thousands of dollars on agency adoptions to connect with a birth-mother. I just couldn’t imagine this would happen for us.
We had not been planning or saving for an adoption at all. Was it even possible to adopt with the impending due date only 12 weeks away? We had never hired an attorney in our life, and had no idea where to begin. Somewhere deep down inside I just couldn’t shake the idea. I was actually nervous to mention it to Mike. He is so logical and often helps me stay grounded when I come up with big ideas. I often act with my heart first and just hope the details work out. As soon as I began talking about it, he was on board entirely. We talked through the financial side, the impact this would have on our boys, and all the details we could think of. We ultimately decided to take a huge leap of faith and see where the journey took us.
If there is one thing that is for certain, it is that our life together has never played out the way we have expected. We’ve been thrown so many curve balls while building our family, we know better than to assume we know what is around the corner. So we took a shaky step toward pursuing adoption. Then we took another. And another.
We don’t live a lavish life by any means, but we have so much love to give to a child. I always say our love is so big because it has to reach all the way to Heaven. The life we give this child will be full of snuggles, kisses, silly jokes, big brothers with hearts the size of Texas, and a Mommy and Daddy who love with a fierceness not easily put into words. We will give this child the life his biological mom can only dream of. That’s what adoption means to us…Changing the world for one child.
Doors continued to open and in three weeks we were sitting in front of an amazing person, who after an hour of talking with, chose us to parent her child.
I reached out to a friend who connected me with an attorney to help us start the process. I fully expected an “it’s not possible” from the attorney when I told him we had nine weeks until the expected delivery. He looked right at me and said, “I think we can do it!” I was floored. I called my husband and excitedly told him that we had a green light, and we haven’t stopped scrambling to organize the details since. The paperwork, doctor’s visits, home study preparations, home study visit, and planning has kept us moving at a whirlwind pace for the last month. There is a constant buzz of excitement in this once quiet, empty house.
I can’t wait to share more as we are able to. We have been open about every aspect of our devastating loss, and our unconventional journey to parenthood. Our reason is simple…to touch even one person who is walking through a similar experience and fill them with even a little hope. We feel sharing about our adoption is just as important as any other part of our story.
I plan to write a detailed post about the cost of our domestic adoption, as I found little information on what to expect when I began my research. Due to the extremely short time frame for our adoption, we have launched a t-shirt fundraiser on Bonfire to help with our unexpected costs. If you feel led to donate, or support adoption awareness by purchasing a shirt, we would be forever grateful!
