November 2018

{Our Adoption} A Love Story: Jensen’s Birth

My heart begins to race when I sit down to attempt writing Jensen’s birth story. The emotions of the day flood back to me bringing tears instantly. His birth day was so different than his big brothers’, but also so much the same. It was a day filled with worry and uncertainty, but also that special kind of joy and love that comes the day you meet your child.

I wrote about the events leading up to Jensen’s birth in my first and second blog posts about his adoption. I share his story proudly in hopes of reaching someone who is unsure if adoption is for their family, someone who is newly navigating an adoption journey, and for Jensen to read later and know how loved and wanted he has been every minute of his life.

We waited eagerly by the phone on July 24. We were waiting to hear that the birth mother had showed up to the hospital for her induction. She was a few hours late and we wondered if she was okay. At around 10:00 pm we got word that she had made it to the hospital and had begun checking in.

Mike and I packed the car and headed to the hospital to offer any support she might need. This was hard. We didn’t know exactly what she expected from us, and certainly didn’t want to overstep. When we arrived, we visited her room and were able to give her a little care package for her stay in the hospital. We visited with her a little bit. She had two of her friends with her and we heard that her mom would be with her too. I had worried for a while that she would be alone during her delivery. A tough part of this story is how alone and unsupported this sixteen-year-old girl had been throughout her pregnancy. I was so relieved that her family and a few friends were able to come and offer support.

The hospital offered us a courtesy room to stay as we waited on the baby to make his debut. We checked in around midnight and tried to get some sleep. We were very fortunate to be able to get text updates throughout the night. Around 6:30 in the morning, the birth mother got her epidural as she was fairly uncomfortable and not progressing too much. About thirty minutes later we received a scary update that the baby’s heart rate was dropping and the doctor was concerned. They began discussing a c-section, but decided to watch closely and try to avoid it. I remember praying so hard for the sweet, young girl to be able to deliver naturally. I knew at her age a major surgery was terrifying. The doctor broke her water at around 7:24 am, as we waited nervously down the hall.

Exactly six years before, we had been sitting in a hospital as I prepared to deliver our sweet Gavin. He was the baby we didn’t know if we could have. He was the baby that came after our great loss, and the baby that fought against all odds to be with us. We underwent months of infertility treatments trying to conceive him. I had to have surgery to carry him, and had little reason to believe that my body would be able to grow and deliver a healthy baby ever again. But on July 25, 2012, our rainbow baby came screaming into the world. He healed a piece of our hearts, and gave us hope that ultimately led us to try one more time when we added a third little boy to our family.

So here we sat, not-so-patiently waiting to welcome another baby on July 25th. Since it was Gavin’s sixth birthday, Mike grabbed me some breakfast and headed home to surprise Gavin with his special birthday request. He had asked for dinner for breakfast and breakfast for dinner, so Daddy stopped by Sonic and grabbed burgers and fries at 8:30 in the morning. We assumed he had plenty of time to eat breakfast with the boys, and didn’t want Gavin to feel disappointed on his birthday.

Baby’s birth mom asked for me to come see her, so I got around and headed to her room at 10:06. As I got to the door, I saw nurses and a doctor huddled outside her door having an obviously urgent discussion before darting off in different directions. Right then I got a text from inside the room telling me I couldn’t come in, and needed to wait for an update. I felt like I actually heard my heart fall to the floor standing there in the hospital corridor. I quickly walked back to our room and instantly began praying for the baby and his precious mother.

A few minutes later, I learned that the baby’s heart rate once again dropped dangerously and they couldn’t get it to come back up. The doctor pleaded with the birth mother to have a c-section, but she did not want to agree. She was so scared and confused. Luckily, she had a trusted adult in the room who was able to explain to her the urgency of the situation. At 10:15 am they whisked her off to surgery, as I continued praying (almost begging) for God’s protection for this young girl and her baby.

I walked out to the front desk to meet Mike’s mom who had arrived at the hospital, and a few moments later I heard the door to labor and delivery swing open as the most joyous words rang out, “Allison, your son is here!” At 10:32 am, Jensen Dean Smith was delivered by emergency c-section. He had the cord wrapped tightly around his neck many times, but he was healthy and absolutely perfect. Our sweet boy was 7 pounds, 15 ounces, and 20.5 inches long. He had a head full of dark hair. We received word that birth mom was doing great and we could see them both when she was moved back to her room.

A little over an hour later, as our boys and our family waited in our room, Mike and I met our son. He was snuggled tightly in his birth mother’s arms when we entered her room. With a smile on her face, this sweet, young girl placed her baby in my trembling arms. I don’t know if words could ever do justice to that moment. My heart shattered and rejoiced at the same time. I wanted this baby so much. Mike and I had planned and prayed, and loved this boy for only a few weeks, but he was ours in every sense of the word. Somehow though, I almost expected his birth mom to change her mind. As soon as I saw him, and saw the way she looked at him, I had no idea how she would let us be his forever family. I held him tight and kissed his sweet face before handing him to his Daddy. When I saw Mike’s big, loving hands wrap up that tiny baby, it was almost like I heard God whisper, “it’s okay, he was always meant to be your son.” A peace washed over me and any reservations or worries I had subsided. It was a beautiful moment that will forever be etched in my mind.

We left Jensen with his birth mother so she could give him his first bottle of donated breast milk and love on her son for a while. She had family members that came to see him, and we would end up taking him back to her room several times over the next 24 hours, honoring her every wish. About three hours after his birth, at 1:23 pm Jensen met his three big brothers. They held him, kissed him, and loved on him as we came together as a family of six for the first time. Gavin was so excited to welcome his “birthday brother.” We even celebrated their combined birthday with party hats and a gift from Jensen to Gavin. I had brought along a wrapped Lego set from baby Jensen. Gavin was so happy that baby got him a gift! We declared July 25th our Double Rainbow Day. We have three rainbow babies, our boys born after the loss of our triplets, but two sharing the same birthday is just oh so special.

Jensen was able to meet Pawpaw, Nana, Grandma, Memaw, and Aunt Alicia that afternoon too. We FaceTimed with the Boysens to tell Uncle Travis that Jensen was to be given his middle name of “Dean” because he is one of the most amazing men and dads we’ve ever known. Travis’ life has also been shaped by two loving people taking care of him and loving him like their own when he needed them most, so it seemed like the perfect choice.

Aunt Erin stopped by later on that afternoon and Jensen got to meet one of his future best friends, cousin Waylon. It was so special having so many of our family members visiting us on that special day.

That evening everyone left to go to our house to celebrate Gavin’s birthday. My heart was aching to miss one of my kids’ birthday parties for the first time, but Jensen and I snuggled up at the hospital to FaceTime for the party. Later that night, my sisters Alicia and Candra came to visit. Alicia decided to stay the night with us because Mike needed to be home with the kids and had to work the next morning. I was so thankful she came to keep me company.

The next morning, my Mom came to spend the day with us. We had the most perfect, fun day loving on Jensen and taking him to visit his birth mother when she asked to see him. I very much needed my Mom that day. Taking Jensen in to say goodbye to his birth mom was very hard. I was in awe of how she handled it. I know her heart was breaking, but she was brave and strong. She held him, kissed him, and told him how much she loved him. I reassured her of the life her son would have. I promised her he would never want for safety, love, happiness, or family. I felt almost motherly toward her as I encouraged her to make this decision count. She has the whole world ahead of her, and the power to change her story. My hope is that in a few years, Jensen will watch her graduate high school and go on to lead a beautiful, happy life. I will cherish the time just the three of us spent together that day.

That evening, Mike brought the boys to pick me and Jensen up from the hospital. We walked out as a forever family of six. We passed some of Jensen’s biological extended family as we walked out and they said their goodbyes as well.

Mike decided a few weeks before the baby arrived to get a tattoo of an arrow (the symbol for adoption) and a bible verse to symbolize Jensen’s story in our lives. As we walked out of the hospital we noticed the same verse displayed on the wall. We smiled and excepted it as another sign of how “meant to be” this beautiful, unexpected journey has been.

I will write about the following five days some other time, but it was a faithful, hopeful time for our family. The five day waiting period tested us emotionally in every way. The doubt and worry weighed heavy on us, but we also trusted God’s plan for our new son. When day five came and went without event, we moved forward with finalizing the adoption.

Eight days after his birth, our son legally became Jensen Dean Smith. We sat before a judge and vowed to love and care for him always. A chapter in our family’s story that started a mere 13 weeks earlier, drew to a close as we walked out of the judge’s chambers as the proud parents of seven boys. Three of our boys have brought love and joy to every minute of our lives over the last ten years. Three of them changed the entire course of our lives when they went to Heaven, and they constantly push us to be the best parents we can be. And one tiny little baby came into our lives when we least expected it and showed us the true meaning of sacrifice, hope, and family.

I Got More than “In Shape” at Burn Boot Camp

18 months ago I woke up at 4:15am and drove to a new gym for it’s opening day. I was so nervous as I pulled into the parking lot. I had been jogging a couple days a week off and on for a few years, but it had been years since I attempted to really workout.

My, at the time nine, four, and one-year-old boys kept my life running at a frantic pace. Combine that with teaching full-time, and I couldn’t see how I could add anything else to my schedule. My husband and I were lucky to throw something together for dinner and not give in to eating out. We weren’t taking time to prepare meals in advance to help us make healthier choices. One day my husband decided to make some big changes in his diet and began exercising. It got me thinking that I really needed to do the same.

I can actually remember exactly the moment I knew I needed to make a change in my lifestyle. For our fifteenth anniversary, my husband and I took our first big vacation together and traveled to Costa Rica. We had the opportunity to repel down a beautiful 135 ft. waterfall. It was probably the most exciting and terrifying thing I had ever done. I got to the bottom of the waterfall and the man holding the rope pointed to a steep rock wall that I needed to climb to get back on the path. I made several attempts, but struggled to pull myself up enough to even begin climbing. There I was at the bottom of a waterfall looking up at my husband and friends who had climbed the wall easily and I was defeated.

I was overweight, out of breath, and had barely any upper body strength. Four pregnancies, including carrying and ultimately losing triplets that were born too soon, wreaked havoc on my body and my confidence in my body’s ability. I hadn’t taken care of myself and now I was paying for it. Somehow I managed to struggle my way to the top. In that moment, I promised myself that I was going to make some changes. I wanted to be stronger, healthier, and I wanted to become a better example for my sons. I wanted them to see both of their parents taking care of themselves and making healthy choices.

A week later, I hesitantly walked into that 5:00 am class at Burn Boot Camp Bentonville and I haven’t looked back once. Now I rearrange my schedule, wake up super early a few times a week, and often rush out of work to grab the kids and head to the gym. I’m not any less busy than I was before (I even have four boys now because we recently adopted a beautiful baby boy!) but I make gym time a priority. For me, Burn Boot Camp is the right fit. It offers everything that a busy woman needs in a gym. I have lost weight and inches, gained so much strength, and accomplished goals I never thought I would, but Burn Boot Camp gives me so much more.

I’m comfortable at my gym. There is no certain type of women that work out at Burn Boot Camp. In the middle of a workout, I look around and easily spot women from all walks of life and all fitness levels. I’ve never once felt out of place or like anyone is judging me. When I started, I couldn’t do one single push-up on my toes and had to step out every single burpee. Of course I felt embarrassed, but the trainers were kind and always explained how to modify each move so that everyone in the room was getting their best workout. Before long, I began taking risks and trying to do the full moves without modifying down. The physical strength I have gained in the last year and a half amazes me, but the fact that I have felt comfortable to stay at this gym means everything.

Surprisingly enough, I actually look forward to working out everyday. The workout has never been the same twice. Each week new workout protocols are released at Burn Boot Camp locations across the country. They are always unique and challenging. I get excited each Sunday when I see the workout posted for the upcoming week. For me, this has greatly reduced my feelings of burnout or boredom with my workouts. I actually get super disappointed when I have to miss a day at the gym because I don’t want to miss out on any “good” days. Each week targets all the major muscle groups. In a week at Burn, you could experience leg day, arm day, athletic conditioning, plyometrics, metabolic conditioning, and other great, targeted workouts.

Another thing I love about Burn Boot Camp is that I can sign up for a focus meeting every few weeks, or as often as I’d like, and discuss my goals and progress. A trainer records my measurements and talks through my diet. We discuss what is going well and what I’m struggling with. I haven’t always had great numbers, or lost a lot of weight when I meet with the trainers, but I always leave with clear goals that I feel like I can work toward.

Before and After a year at Burn Boot Camp.

As a mom with four kids, making time to work out can be a challenge. I can’t focus on my workout unless I know my kids are being well taken care of. Burn Boot Camp provides free childcare to each member. I can drop my kids off in the childcare room for the forty-five minute workout and not worry if they are safe and happy. They look forward to going to the gym as much as I do. They get to meet new friends and make crafts. The fact that childcare is included in my membership price makes it a great value for my money.

Probably the most important thing that Burn has given me is a truly supportive gym family. I was so hesitant to walk through the doors that first day, but I am so glad I did. I now have a support system of people who aren’t just “gym friends.” There are other moms who just get it. We can talk about the struggles of parenthood, and hold each other accountable for getting to the gym. We remind each other that putting ourselves first is important. There are so many women, whether moms or not, that encourage each other every day with high fives during camp, or words of motivation in the gym Facebook group.

My journey at Burn Boot Camp isn’t always perfect. There are weeks that my schedule is packed and I can’t make it to the gym every day. I have fallen off the wagon with my diet more than once. What I love about Burn is that I can always get right back on track. All it takes is going in and crushing a few camps, and I’m motivated and refocused on my goals. There is always a fun event coming up, or new goals to work toward.

I am not the person I was 18 months ago. I’m stronger, faster, and less stressed. The thing I’m most proud of is that I’m putting myself first. I’m a better mom, wife, and friend when I’m happy and healthy. If you are at a low point and are looking for a way to focus on your fitness, I encourage you to come try a free trial membership (zero strings attached!) at Burn Boot Camp soon. You don’t have anything to lose by trying it out, but you just might gain a lot more than you’d expect. I know I have.

{Our Adoption} A Love Story: Part II

Life has been an absolute whirlwind since the birth of our fourth son three months ago. We are adjusting to having a newborn in the house again. I’ve gone back to work and started a new job after a fast, and precious six weeks off with the baby.

In June I posted the first part of our adoption story and I’m excited to finally have a few minutes to share the next piece of our family’s journey.

On April 18, 2018 a family friend told me about a young girl who had just told her she was pregnant and was set on letting her baby be adopted. The girl wanted experienced parents and hoped for siblings for her baby. I listened carefully to the few details our friend had to offer. I honestly thought there was no chance we would adopt this baby, but my heart swelled with joy and excitement at the thought.

The birth mother was 27 weeks along and had not had any prenatal care during her pregnancy. This sweet girl had hid her pregnancy from everyone. One of the single most heartbreaking parts of this story is that she was without any supportive adults. Her relationships with her parents were strained at best, so she had to make huge decisions completely on her own. When she had her 16th birthday, she knew she would legally be able to make an adoption plan for her baby, so she reached out to a trusted adult.

About a week later we heard that the birth mother wanted to meet us. We were so nervous, but agreed to move forward. We worried about starting a process that could lead us to heartache. Losing our triplets in 2010 was excruciating, and we knew adoption plans come with risk of loss as well. We didn’t want to do anything that would bring hurt to our three boys either. How would we explain hoping and planning for a baby and then having it not work out?

The weekend of April 28th, we made peace that our dream for adoption would not be happening. One of the birth mother’s parents was against adoption for this baby and wanted her to parent. We heard nothing all weekend and even though we had been cautious, we were definitely a little heartbroken.

The following Monday I received a surprising text message. The birth mother was not going to let anyone talk her out of her plan for the baby to be adopted. She wanted to meet us asap! I feel like that was the moment that I started thinking of this as our baby. I had a peace that just told me that we were meant to his or her forever family.

I remember walking into my friend’s classroom one day and although Mike and I swore not to say a word to anyone about this possible adoption, I blurted out to her that we were thinking of adopting and had no idea where to start. I owe everything to how supportive and informative she was that day. Having a brave, experienced adoptive mom in my life was just another detail that had been intricately orchestrated in our adoption story. If I hadn’t had someone to ask about attorneys, costs, and the process I might have said “no” to adoption out of fear of the unknown.

On May 10, I sat nervously in an attorney’s office that my friend had suggested. I was fully expecting to be laughed out of the office when I told the attorney we were only about ten weeks away from the due date. I remember how calm and hopeful he was when he said with a smile, “I think we can make it happen!” Again, I was in awe of how this story was unfolding.

The next evening, on May 11, 2018, Mike and I sat across from a young girl in a small Mexican restaurant. Her tiny baby bump was hidden carefully under a pink hoodie sweatshirt. We explained details of our life honestly and openly. It was so strange each time I became aware that we were essentially interviewing to parent her child. This sweet girl blew me away with her decisiveness and obvious love for her baby. I was surprised at how easy the conversation was. My nerves melted away in the first few minutes. As we left I asked if I could give her a hug. She nodded and as I embraced this strong, brave girl, I knew we had a special connection.

Less than an hour later she sent us a message saying we were going to be parenting her baby. As I stared at the message, I blinked back tears of joy and relief.

Over the next two months, I met with the birth mother to get pedicures, and to attend the last few of her doctor’s appointments. Those two months were filled with completing our home study and trying to prepare for having a baby in the house again. It was a time filled with worries, stress, and sadness. I laid in bed many nights praying and wondering if this was God’s plan for us. Was this his plan for this baby? Would something happen that stopped us from getting to parent this child?

We found out the baby was a boy a few weeks before he arrived. We were so happy…and not surprised at all. Parenting boys is kind of our thing.

When July arrived, we had completed everything on our end of the adoption. We were officially eligible to adopt and just waiting on delivery. I bought only a few things for the baby just in case the birth mother changed her mind. We found out that she waived five of her decision days, so we would know five days after birth if we were going to be able to keep the baby. She wanted us to meet the baby shortly after birth and bring him home with us from the hospital.

The birth mother’s doctor would not induce her until her due date, so we waited excitedly for July 22nd to come. Looking back, those few weeks in July were some of the most exciting times we’ve experienced as a family.

Finally, on July 24th I sat in the waiting room while the birth mother went back for her appointment. In a few minutes I got a text that said she would be induced that night! I actually had to leave to go to a job interview minutes later and have no idea how I actually spoke coherently through my excitement. All I could think about was that our son would be in our arms soon.

Later that evening, we received word that the birth mother hadn’t shown up for her induction and it was hours past her scheduled time to be admitted. The next 24 hours would be some of the scariest, most heartbreaking, most blessed times in the lives of myself, Mike, our boys, and our extended family.