Life has been an absolute whirlwind since the birth of our fourth son three months ago. We are adjusting to having a newborn in the house again. I’ve gone back to work and started a new job after a fast, and precious six weeks off with the baby.
In June I posted the first part of our adoption story and I’m excited to finally have a few minutes to share the next piece of our family’s journey.
On April 18, 2018 a family friend told me about a young girl who had just told her she was pregnant and was set on letting her baby be adopted. The girl wanted experienced parents and hoped for siblings for her baby. I listened carefully to the few details our friend had to offer. I honestly thought there was no chance we would adopt this baby, but my heart swelled with joy and excitement at the thought.
The birth mother was 27 weeks along and had not had any prenatal care during her pregnancy. This sweet girl had hid her pregnancy from everyone. One of the single most heartbreaking parts of this story is that she was without any supportive adults. Her relationships with her parents were strained at best, so she had to make huge decisions completely on her own. When she had her 16th birthday, she knew she would legally be able to make an adoption plan for her baby, so she reached out to a trusted adult.
About a week later we heard that the birth mother wanted to meet us. We were so nervous, but agreed to move forward. We worried about starting a process that could lead us to heartache. Losing our triplets in 2010 was excruciating, and we knew adoption plans come with risk of loss as well. We didn’t want to do anything that would bring hurt to our three boys either. How would we explain hoping and planning for a baby and then having it not work out?
The weekend of April 28th, we made peace that our dream for adoption would not be happening. One of the birth mother’s parents was against adoption for this baby and wanted her to parent. We heard nothing all weekend and even though we had been cautious, we were definitely a little heartbroken.
The following Monday I received a surprising text message. The birth mother was not going to let anyone talk her out of her plan for the baby to be adopted. She wanted to meet us asap! I feel like that was the moment that I started thinking of this as our baby. I had a peace that just told me that we were meant to his or her forever family.
I remember walking into my friend’s classroom one day and although Mike and I swore not to say a word to anyone about this possible adoption, I blurted out to her that we were thinking of adopting and had no idea where to start. I owe everything to how supportive and informative she was that day. Having a brave, experienced adoptive mom in my life was just another detail that had been intricately orchestrated in our adoption story. If I hadn’t had someone to ask about attorneys, costs, and the process I might have said “no” to adoption out of fear of the unknown.
On May 10, I sat nervously in an attorney’s office that my friend had suggested. I was fully expecting to be laughed out of the office when I told the attorney we were only about ten weeks away from the due date. I remember how calm and hopeful he was when he said with a smile, “I think we can make it happen!” Again, I was in awe of how this story was unfolding.
The next evening, on May 11, 2018, Mike and I sat across from a young girl in a small Mexican restaurant. Her tiny baby bump was hidden carefully under a pink hoodie sweatshirt. We explained details of our life honestly and openly. It was so strange each time I became aware that we were essentially interviewing to parent her child. This sweet girl blew me away with her decisiveness and obvious love for her baby. I was surprised at how easy the conversation was. My nerves melted away in the first few minutes. As we left I asked if I could give her a hug. She nodded and as I embraced this strong, brave girl, I knew we had a special connection.
Less than an hour later she sent us a message saying we were going to be parenting her baby. As I stared at the message, I blinked back tears of joy and relief.
Over the next two months, I met with the birth mother to get pedicures, and to attend the last few of her doctor’s appointments. Those two months were filled with completing our home study and trying to prepare for having a baby in the house again. It was a time filled with worries, stress, and sadness. I laid in bed many nights praying and wondering if this was God’s plan for us. Was this his plan for this baby? Would something happen that stopped us from getting to parent this child?
We found out the baby was a boy a few weeks before he arrived. We were so happy…and not surprised at all. Parenting boys is kind of our thing.
When July arrived, we had completed everything on our end of the adoption. We were officially eligible to adopt and just waiting on delivery. I bought only a few things for the baby just in case the birth mother changed her mind. We found out that she waived five of her decision days, so we would know five days after birth if we were going to be able to keep the baby. She wanted us to meet the baby shortly after birth and bring him home with us from the hospital.
The birth mother’s doctor would not induce her until her due date, so we waited excitedly for July 22nd to come. Looking back, those few weeks in July were some of the most exciting times we’ve experienced as a family.
Finally, on July 24th I sat in the waiting room while the birth mother went back for her appointment. In a few minutes I got a text that said she would be induced that night! I actually had to leave to go to a job interview minutes later and have no idea how I actually spoke coherently through my excitement. All I could think about was that our son would be in our arms soon.
Later that evening, we received word that the birth mother hadn’t shown up for her induction and it was hours past her scheduled time to be admitted. The next 24 hours would be some of the scariest, most heartbreaking, most blessed times in the lives of myself, Mike, our boys, and our extended family.
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