When I was a little girl I relied on my dad for lots of things. He was the one who held onto the back of my bicycle when I couldn’t quite balance it on my own. His singing and guitar playing filled the house when I was having a hard time falling asleep. When I was scared I could slip my hand into his and suddenly I was the bravest girl in the room.
As I grew older and navigated my teenage years, Dad continued to be my safe place to land. When I had a rotten day at school, we could sit together for hours watching a baseball game on tv. Without even saying a word to each other, all was right in the world again. My car would break down. Dad was there in minutes working his magic to quickly bring the engine back to life. He was always there with good advice as I stumbled awkwardly through my “dramatic teenage girl moments.”
My Dad taught me that a husband and father should love his family, protect them, and always consider their well-being above that of his own. When I met the man of my dreams, my Dad walked me down the aisle and agreed to give me away as long as my husband understood that very thing. At our wedding reception, as my Dad fought back tears, he placed my hands into that of my husband’s and told him he was handing over the keys to my heart.
At first it was strange that my Dad wasn’t going to be the number one man in my life anymore. I often had to remind myself not to immediately call Dad when something broke around the house, but to give my husband a chance to figure it out. I mean how do you suddenly stop relying on the man who has been by your side for your entire life?
As I’ve grown older, and now have kids of my own, I think I have actually grown to appreciate my Dad even more than before. I still need him just as much as when I was a little girl.
I still need my Dad to make me feel safe. During my darkest times as a adult and a parent, my Dad is a person who I know just “gets it.” When he tells me that everything is going to be okay, I believe him. If I’m feeling nervous or anxious about something, he’s there to help talk me through it.
He always has a wise perspective to offer. His advice is invaluable to me. I will always feel the need to run things by my Dad. If I’m shopping for a new car, I want to know what he thinks about the make and model I’m considering. If I need directions for a trip, I assume Dad knows how to get there better than the map on my phone.
My Dad motivates me to constantly improve myself. He hasn’t had the easiest life an has certainly persevered through many challenges. He has always encouraged me to dream big and work hard. My Dad somehow sees the best in me, when I can’t see past my faults. I feel like I can do anything as long as he’s rooting for me. Getting a hug and an “I’m proud of you” from my Dad is better than any other prize or reward.
Maybe most importantly, I need my children to experience the love of a devoted grandfather. My Dad loves his grandchildren immensely, and they know it. He spoils them, praises them, and guides them in a way only a grandpa can. Much like parenthood has changed me, being a grandparent has transformed my Dad. It’s truly an amazing thing to watch. He is never too busy to change a diaper, throw a baseball, or read a book when his grandkids need him. My heart overflows with joy at the sight of my kids being held safely in my Daddy’s arms. They will forever think fondly of their “PawPaw” and never doubt the love he has for them.
It turns out that a little girl never really outgrows her Dad. She will need him for all the days of her life. If you are lucky like me and you were blessed to have an amazing Dad, remember to be grateful for the amazing gift he is to your life. If you are able to, give your Dad and big hug and a simple “thank you” this Father’s Day. It’s the least he deserves.
I’ve potty trained all three of my children in three days. Yes, seriously! If you are like me you’ve probably seen things about the 3-day potty training method online and wondered if it could possibly be true. That was me about 8 years ago.
My oldest son was turning two and I had heard all kinds of horror stories about potty training. With the way some moms talked about it, I was pretty sure it was going to be a horrible experience. I read various things online about 3-day potty training and jumped right in. Guess what? It worked! Three days later I was happily reporting a completely day and night potty trained child. I tweaked a few things, but followed the same 3-day format with kid #2 and got a great result again.
Enter child #3. My adorable, passionate, strong-willed little guy. I knew he was going to be tougher than the other two. So much that I waited about 4-5 months longer to potty train him. He is two years and seven months old. Spring break was this week, so I decided to once again block off three days and go for it. I am happy to report that we were once again 100% diaper-free in three days!
It goes without saying that all children are different and respond differently to potty training. My kids all have very different personalities and of course I monitored and adjusted the process for each of them. If you are ready to be completely rid of diapers and not drag out the potty training process for weeks (or months!) then keep reading.
What you will need:
3 Days with zero activities/meetings/to-dos
Underwear
Potty chair (we used one like this and recommend getting one with a detachable seat that you can place on your toilet when your child is ready. It is also a stepstool.)
Snacks
Paper to make a sticker chart
Stickers
Lots of patience and a good attitude
What you will NOT need:
Anywhere to be for 3 days!
Pull-ups
To start getting my kiddos used to the idea of using the potty, we started talking about it a couple months ahead of time. As soon as they start waking up dry, ask about going potty, or start showing any interest in toilet training you will know you are ready to begin. Of course you need to be sensitive to any stressors, big changes (like a new sibling, etc.) that might be coming up for your child. I recommend getting a potty training book to read to your child. My little guys had this one (It’s Potty Time) and my youngest carried it around for over a month before we started potty training.
First choose a nice long weekend or take off a day of work to make sure you have at least 3 full days to potty train. I was lucky to have several days off for Spring Break, so this was perfect. Do not plan to leave the house for at least 3 days. With all of my boys we were ready to take short trips out of the house by day 2, but you may very well need all three days.
Next, set up the party! I usually blow up some balloons, decorate a little, and get something special for breakfast. This time we went with a chocolate sprinkle donut! As soon as your child is up for the day, put them in underwear and say good-bye forever to diapers. Remember, whatever happens, DO NOT put a diaper back on them. It will be tough at some points, like really tough, but do not give in. I promise you will be happy you stuck to it. This goes for nap and night time as well. I put a towel down under the bed sheet just in case there are any accidents. I feel it is important to make sure they have transitioned to a “big kid” bed as well. If they are not able to get out of their crib, they don’t have the option of going potty on their own, so the risk of an accident is higher.
Our potty party area includes lots of toys, balloons, the potty, and of course an adorable potty trainee.
The key to this method is to create an area that is fun and easy to contain your child for a few days. I just spread out blankets and towels in the living room and place fun toys like blocks, race tracks, and books to keep us busy. The potty sits on a towel right there with us! It is important to give your child snacks (salty is best) so they will keep drinking often. Ideally, you want to have them sit on the potty every 15-30 minutes. My little guy was really good at holding it, so he occasionally went 45 minutes in between, but we just kept trying. You should start noticing the signs that they need to potty. Grabbing themselves, pulling at their underwear, even funny facial expressions are clues. As the day goes on, they should become more aware of the sensation of needing to use the toilet…with your prompting of course.
All of my kids have liked using a sticker chart to celebrate their success. With my older two I made a cute potty chart with their name and decorated it. This time (because three kids) I just wrote his name on a piece of paper and picked up some fun stickers at the dollar store. He absolutely loved picking out the sticker and placing it on the paper. We are on Day 7 now, and he still occasionally asks for a sticker. My husband also picked up some M&M minis candy and we gave those as some extra motivation. No need to use candy or food as a reward, but hey whatever works!
Pick out some fun stickers for motivation!
You have to be able to give them your undivided attention. This is the hardest, yet most rewarding part of the process. I was brought to tears several times this week, as we had so much precious one-on-one time. This is rare with three kiddos, and a full-time job, so it was really special. The one-on-one time is why potty training is actually one of my favorite milestones with my kids.
Be prepared for accidents. I had to remind myself of that even this third go-round. I was starting to get frustrated and stressed out after a few accidents. But this is part of the process! I think on Day One we had three accidents, which was pretty successful. Don’t worry if you have more than that, just keep going.
Day Two- the hardest day. You wake up hoping that they will just take to it again, but often this is the day of “I can’t” or “No, Mommy!” My son was just not having it on the morning of day two. I realize that he was wanting to stand up to pee, and so we transitioned to the big toilet. He was a little scared to pee and verbalized that he did not want to. I thought of putting Cheerios in the toilet to make a game out of it, but we were out. I sent my nine-year-old in to find something and he came back and tossed a Goldfish cracker in the toilet. My two-year-old laughed hysterically, said “I can pee on that fish,” and just like that he took care of business. I can’t believe it, but we continued to toss in Goldfish for the next two days, and he promptly peed (or pooped) on the fish. Genius! Be open to what might motivate your child, no matter how silly!
It is important to really pay attention to the amount of liquids your child it taking in during the process. We cut off drinks about 45 minutes before nap and bedtime to avoid accidents. My son sleeps anywhere from 10-12 hours without an accidents, so don’t be scared of nighttime. Even if your child has an accident, you don’t need pull-ups or nighttime diapers. Think about how confusing this would be for your child. It’s okay to pee your pants at night, but not during the day? Such a mixed message for a little person.
By Day Three you’ll be ready to venture out of the house for sure. Take walks, go to the park, or take a quick trip to another favorite place. It is intimidating to think of putting a child in the carseat with no diaper, and you have to plan ahead to stay close to a toilet. My son did have an accident at the park because we didn’t make it to the restroom in time. This will happen. Just be sure to have extra clothes and to keep your cool. It isn’t the end of the world if they pee their pants in the check-out line of the store, or as you run for the potty somewhere…I’ve experienced both and besides being a little embarrassed, no harm done.
If you follow the plan and truly put your best effort into the 3 days, you will have a potty trained child at the end of the process. If you have to leave your child to work, etc. just make sure you have carefully explained your process and expectations for your child to their daycare provider. You don’t want them to put a diaper on them or cause you any other setbacks.
Just think how freeing it will feel to be completely diaper free in 3 days! Your wallet will certainly thank you when you aren’t spending money on diapers anymore. You will feel accomplished and your child will be proud of their new “big kid” status.
It was hard to put my whole plan into words, so please message me with questions or comments. I am happy to explain in more detail! Now get busy planning your potty party! You’ve got this!
As I sit here reflecting on 2017, I’m overwhelmed with thankfulness. I hear squeals and laughter coming from my three boys playing in the other room. I scroll through pictures from our 15th wedding anniversary trip to Costa Rica earlier this year. I stop to work a little on things for next semester with my third grade students.
As I soak in all the good in my life, I’m not quick to forget how I got to this place. My mind slips back to seven years ago when all of the above mentioned things seemed so far from reach.
My husband and I were both recovering from job loss. Dwindling enrollment at the school I worked at caused me to be working as a teacher’s assistant and dreaming of one day having my own classroom again. My husband suddenly lost the job in the field he thought would be his career.
We had just lost our precious triplet sons, and didn’t know if our oldest would ever have a sibling.
Below I share the blog post I wrote on December 31, 2010. The emotion and devastation in my “voice” is painful to hear.
“Looking back at 2010 and forward to 2011…
It was very hard to read what I wrote on New Year’s Eve last year. I wished for a sibling for Josey, more financial security, and Mike to continue to have fun with his band. Little did I know that we would be desperately close to all those things, but in the end lose them all.
2010 began just fine until May 1st. Mike left for work that morning and returned just a few short minutes later. We never saw a dime of unemployment because they blamed him for getting fired. Don’t ask me what circumstances unemployment is for because I don’t know. He did nothing wrong, they simply were done having him around and paying his high salary I guess. So there went financial security…and for five long months, no income at all. We found out 5 days after he was fired that we were pregnant. We had been through rounds of fertility and were EXTREMELY excited. Two months later we find out it was TRIPLETS! Another huge excitement, but with worry as well. Then only 3 weeks later, the morning that will haunt us forever. I lost Johnny and then 2 weeks later lost Jaxsen and Asher. I’ve already written endlessly about the loss but it was the biggest part of our 2010. Looking back it doesn’t even seem real most of the time. Seems like it happened to someone else…because things like that WOULD NEVER happen to me. Mike worked random jobs off and on and hunted endlessly for something steady. Finally in September he found a low-paying job, but a job! We are still struggling financially. Maybe struggling is an understatement.
Looking ahead to 2011, I still want the same things as last year. I hope to look back and read this next year as I hold a little baby in my arms. Yes, I do still want that, and no pain, suffering, or sacrifice will change my mind. I am still praying for a classroom job next year, but no matter what, I am doing what God intended me to do. I will continue to teach children and care for them in any position I am placed. I hope that Mike finds true friends to play music with that will stand by him and appreciate the amazing man that he is. Maybe he will find a better paying job, maybe not. I simply wish for his pain to fade. Most importantly I hope that next year finds us stronger than ever in our love for eachother. We have been through more in this one year than all 8 years of our marriage put together. I hope we continue to provide a stable, loving, life for Josey. He is our world, and remains our focus through it all. I wish the best for all our family and friends who carried us this year when we couldn’t walk on our own. My personal goal is to mold myself into the old Allison that was not angry, sad, and confused all the time. I struggle daily with wanting the memories to fade, and wanting to never forget the way my sons felt in my arms, or what their beautiful faces looked like. I simply want to be more “normal” again. I will embrace God’s plan for my life…whatever that may be.”
I share these words now, seven years later, to say that we made it. Somehow we crawled out of that dark, hopeless place and came out standing on the other side.
We have THREE beautiful little boys now. My husband has a great job. I have been back in a classroom teaching job for almost seven years. My husband did find musicians that share his passion for music. His music even lead to us finding our dearest friends.
I had no idea how hard we would have to fight for our marriage as the grief of losing our children threatened to tear us apart. I wish I could say that we were able to quickly get back on track, but it took us years of trying to really understand each other again. Celebrating our 15th anniversary was a testament to the work we chose to put into strengthening our relationship.
I’ll never know why we were faced with the trials of 2010, but I can say that we learned a lot from that devastating year.
Most importantly, I learned that sharing the difficult stories is just as important as sharing the good ones. You never know who might be watching and might find hope in your journey. If your 2017 was like our 2010, please know that it doesn’t have to break you. No matter what trials and losses you faced, you can choose where 2018 takes you. You can choose your attitude and how you will react to challenges in the new year. It won’t be easy, but you can survive whatever has happened. Get up, put one foot in front of the other, and keep on going. 2018 just might be your year.
A biscuit. Such a simple breakfast item, yet today it was so much more. A bacon biscuit allowed two very different moms to share a connection.
My five-year-old son is home sick today with a very high fever. He has been sick for over 36 hours now and the fever just won’t let up. I was going to leave him with my amazing parents again today, but my momma heart was just tugging at me to stay home with him. I was up with him most of the night so around 4 am I started making lesson plans and arranged for a substitute to teach my class today.
Of course I needed to drop the other two boys off and make sure copies and plans were ready on my desk at school, so I had to drag my sweet sick boy out as well. After everything was settled we started the 20 minute drive back home. Despite the fact that he hasn’t kept anything down in over 24 hours, he wanted to stop at a gas station for something to eat. Last year when he was in preschool, his Daddy would stop on the way to school if they needed gas and let him pick out a breakfast item. I knew this wasn’t a great idea, but I couldn’t say no to his precious little request.
Unfortunately, by the time we got to the gas station he had to rush inside to be sick again. As I ushered him back out to the car he again asked politely for a biscuit. I thought it was probably a waste of $2.50, but decided to let him pick something out anyway.
All my son wanted was a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit, but there were none. I asked the cashier and she said they no longer made bacon biscuits. They only had breakfast pizza, sausage biscuits, and bacon croissants, which he wasn’t interested in eating. In his true kind, understanding fashion he reassured me it was okay and he would just eat some Jello when he got home.
As we once again started out the door a sweet voice called out to us from the deli section of the gas station. The lady behind the counter said she noticed he wasn’t feeling well and would be happy to make him a special biscuit just the way he wanted it.
I thanked her for going out of the way to show us such kindness. She said although her kids were grown, she was a mom too and understood how hard it is when your kids are sick. As she loaded up a biscuit with extra bacon for my little bacon-lover, she reminisced about when her kids were small. She said that one time a year she would let each of them stay home from school to spend some special one-on-one time with her. I could tell she was taken back to a happier time as she talked about how they lived in Seattle and would usually take a little day trip to a fun location.
I told her how much I loved that idea and that I try to spend time with each of my three boys too. She shared with me that she had two daughters and a son. I felt her body tighten as she said those words. What she said next took me by surprise. This sweet woman stood there behind the gas station deli counter and shared with a total stranger that one of her daughters had died.
My reaction might have surprised her too. I didn’t say a word at first. As she looked up, our eyes met and I could tell she knew I understood. I asked what her daughter’s name was and then shared with her that I too have three sons that are no longer in my arms.
In that brief moment, we weren’t just strangers standing in a gas station making small talk. It was more. We were two moms separated by more than twenty years in age, obviously from very different walks of life, connecting over a bacon biscuit. We were moms who both carry the unimaginable pain of losing a child who were able to find comfort in a stranger’s story.
Neither of us were passing judgement of the other. She didn’t comment on the fact that my son was still in his pajamas. She didn’t seem to notice that I didn’t even bother to use make-up to cover up the tired bags under my eyes from a sleepless night. We stood there as two moms who were just doing their best on a Friday morning.
As I sit here watching my sick little guy rest on the couch, I can’t help but to be thankful for the biscuit that he only took one bite of. This story isn’t really about a biscuit at all. It’s about a random act of kindness and moms supporting other moms. The last 36 hours have been filled with worry, stress, and fatigue for me, but today the mess that is motherhood turned out to be pretty beautiful.
I am so excited to welcome you to This Beautiful Mom Life! I have been tossing around the idea of starting an “official” blog for a while, and with the encouragement of many friends and family members I have decided to go for it.
I hope this will be a page that encourages women to support one another as we navigate the good, the bad, and the beautiful aspects of Mom Life. In my experience, parenting is often exciting, scary, exhausting, messy, and pretty awesome all at the same time. The journey is a little bit easier when you surround yourself with a group supportive people who just “get it.”
Thank you so much for joining me on this new adventure!
